kimberly jean ang

The University of California

2011-11-20T22:55:00.003+01:00

Last week I posted this note on my Facebook in response to the new videos that have emerged regarding the use of pepper spray against student protestors at UC Davis:

This video changes virtually nothing for me. People are making an uproar because students encircled the police? "Preventing them from leaving?" Yes, let's be worried about the police, stocked with pepper spray, batons, guns, and riot gear - they are certainly the ones at risk. Could they leave the circle? Yes. Could they simply step over the students? Yes. Did they choose to pepper spray them instead? Yes.

What must be challenged here is the notion of who holds the power on UC campuses. Students, the primary stakeholders of the UC system, should be allowed to peacefully gather and protest, without the threat of arrest or injury. Police can issue as many warnings as they want. Some of you seem to think that simply because they've issued warnings, their acts are justified. To me, they never should have been trying to break up the protest in the first place.

As for my many peers posting this video around as some kind of vindication for the use of pepper spray against these students, and dismissing the protestors by telling them to "go back to the library and study," just remember: many students 5 years from now will not have the privilege of going to study because they'll have to work 5 jobs to pay off the 81% fee hike. Have some respect for their struggle, even if it isn't yours.

My post went "viral" (a very relative term). Though I generally like to keep my FB free of political commentary, this time, I just couldn't help myself. The post ignited a debate among friends and acquaintances, which you can visit here: http://www.facebook.com/KimberlyJAng

--

Two years ago UC San Diego was catapulted into protests about race. It was the most politically active most students or professors had ever seen our campus. Protestors peacefully occupied Library Walk, marched through San Diego, and spoke very uncomfortable truths to power.

At that time, I quietly participated in the protests, mainly by means of observation and some marching in solidarity. There were many things to think about and a lot to admire from the spirit and determination of other student activists. I never, however, imagined how PRIVILEGED we were to be free from harm while peacefully demonstrating. It was a RIGHT that I took for granted.

Some students of color felt at risk (threatening nooses were incredibly threatening). But of the many things I can fault our university administration for, using the UC Police Department against our own students is NOT one of them.

I am so disgusted watching the videos of unwarranted violence at Berkeley and Davis. I don't think I need to go on a tirade here about them - any moment you spend on facebook aggregates the frustrations, shock and pain that students have felt first hand or feel in solidarity with their peers.

But a few questions linger. Where the hell are the parents of these protestors? They should get their asses out there to stand in solidarity with their students.

Who is going to sue UCPD? Someone has to. UC Student Association, UC Parents Association, UC Faculty: drafting "statements" is one way to express your solidarity and anger. But I think legal action is in order.

What the hell are the regents doing? Thanks for this nice little statement, Yudof. I especially like how you reaffirm your support for UCPD and leadership from the Chancellors:

"My intention is not to micromanage our campus police forces. The sworn officers who serve on our campuses are professionals dedicated to the protection of the UC community."

Nor do I wish to micromanage the chancellors. They are the leaders of our campuses and they have my full trust and confidence."

YEP, their leadership has been VISIONARY thus far. I'll be staying posted on how the Chancellors and Regents deal with this issue.

A Life of Awesome

2011-11-09T00:17:00.000+01:00

http://www.ted.com/talks/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html

GiveYourGap.org Launches

2011-11-04T23:06:00.000+01:00

it seems like just yesterday that amber and i came up with the idea for GYG, and now, the site is LIVE at giveyourgap.org.

wowzas.

for stories:

http://giveyourgap.org/about/meet-the-team/

http://giveyourgap.org/2011/10/31/the-beginning/

learning to take les photos

2011-11-03T09:56:00.000+01:00

shoutouts to my guinea pig friends who tolerated my tripod and canons95 (yes, i believe it's possible to take good photos with a point and shoot).

Highlights!

2011-10-01T00:14:00.001+02:00

Too much has happened since my last post to do a real "catch up" here. Here are the highlights of my life since March:

I interviewed Amartya Sen.

I graduated and got some nice graduation gifts from the school (an awesome UCSD alumni blanket, and some plaques).

Hamish and I road-tripped up the Pacific Coast. The week consisted of a lot of driving, books on tape, excellent coffee and beautiful parks.

Portland:

Crater Lake:

I moved out to Carmel, CA and started cooking a lot. (Seriously, a lot. Starting a food blog was a serious consideration. I have an arsenal of photos ready just in case).

I started volunteering at a TEDxYouth conference in Monterey and got really inspired. (I continue to be inspired by them).

Many friends came to visit me in Carmel because it is a great tourist destination. Among them, my great friend Grace Rolland She sang a lot for me, and it was wonderful.

Grace's graceful visit was followed by another great friend, Amber Rackliffe. During that visit, Amber and I decided to start a huge crazy venture called GiveYourGap. "Like" us! The page got a bunch of likes on my birthday and I'm still really excited about it.

I went to New York and DC to work on my thesis research and to visit my big sista Stephanie Ang, who is now a grad student at NYU. We watched Memphis! and it was mind-blowingly fun.

And now, I've moved back to Cupertino, CA. My hometown. Better known at C-Town. Here, though I find myself constantly disappointed in the lack of beach, good mexican food, and specialty coffee joints (in short, I am constantly disappointed that it is not San Diego), I am surround by people I love.

ESPECIALLY my new roomieeee and BFF Beckster Yen:

Back here in the CPT, I'm working hard on GiveYourGap, trying to help out at home and not forget about grad school applications.

Back to San Diego next week to get my fill of beach, mexican food and specialty coffee...and of course, even more people I love!. Yipee :).

2011-05-10T08:20:00.000+02:00

This week ended with some rough news - did not get the Fulbright Research Fellowship this year. The thin, manila-enveloped letter came in the mail on Friday afternoon, and my weekend naturally followed with some intensive self-reflection. The Fulbright process has been long and exhausting. Since last August, when I submitted my app, I have been (so mistakenly!) wrapped up in the waiting game. Well - it's done now and I am at least very happy to have made it to the final round, which was my original benchmark goal anyways.

As I approached the mailbox on Friday I had a strange feeling that it was going to be a rejection letter, but it was still hit me pretty hard when I read it. I called my sister, then went home to write the professors and advisors who had given me so much through the application process and the year.

It's now time to start gearing up for a hard job search, apply for grad programs, and begin a world travel adventure. I'm going to begin in the Philippines in January (where my parents and I are going on a medical mission) and then make my way westwards through Southeast Asia, back to Turkey, on to Europe and then end up back in California.

Thank you to all who have offered words of encouragement, confidence, and inspiration. So much love!

What "Research" Looks Like

2011-03-23T00:00:00.002+01:00

Though my life has been very preoccupied with research for my senior honors thesis, I have yet to blog about it. WOOPS! In the following post, I'm just going to talk a bit about what my research looks like, what I actually spend my hours doing, and weigh some thoughts about. *In the process of writing this I realized probably no one is interested in the procedural workings of archival research. So I don't actually say that much about procedure. You're welcome, haha!

The first batch of archival research I conducted was at Stanford University's Hoover Institution Archives. I worked with documents from the 1920's and 30's: (handwritten) student essays, personal correspondence, official government documents, saved newspaper clippings, transcripts of conversations - you name it. This is a picture of the Hoover Tower @ Stanford - I worked beside and below the tower. Unfortunately no pictures of the archive reading area, but it's not that exciting. Just a bunch of people sitting around tables with lots of old documents and getting reprimanded by the Archivists for not following rules about handling documents!

A few months ago I got an undergraduate research scholarship to come to Columbia to start work in another set of archives on Robert College. I've included some better pictures of Columbia....

Butler Library, where the Rare Book and Manuscript Library is located. Butler is one of the main college libraries, so it is familiar to most of everyone that goes to Columbia. Didn't seem that many undergrads visited the 6th floor, however, which is full of reading rooms and of course, the archives!

Terrible state of affairs with some of the documents. As you can see, it looks like absolute chicken scratch. I took a looksie at these and panicked for a good half hour that there would simply be no way of deciphering the writing. But luckily, as we move away from 1860, the paper, ink, and script gets much better. Today I got to typed documents, woot woot!

The Archival Reading Room: A bunch of desks like this, surrounded by an interesting assortment of people also conducting research. I am always so curious about what other people are reading, but it doesn't seem to be in etiquette to have conversations with other researchers.

The coolest thing about historical archival research is that it brings you to cool places (ex/ I am in new york). In my next blog I will write about actually fun things I have done in the city, besides reading obscure documents. For now, the view from my room in the Upper West Side (graciously provided by Rah and Edwin!)

Interviewing Egyptian students at UCSD on current unrest

2011-02-09T02:07:00.002+01:00

"Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear"

2010-10-31T21:59:00.000+01:00

My facebook newsfeed has been buzzing with youtube video posts from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's recent "Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear" on the National Mall this past week. It was interesting to watch Stewart's speech - I had never really seen him that serious (scattered, naturally, with comedic relief) about rifts in American society, about the politics of fear, reasserting pluralistic and "liberal" values.

A few days after watching the video, it comes to mind again as I write my essay for Professor Pamela Radcliff on "Communism and Fascism 1919-1945." A few points I want to make regarding the emergence of extreme political movements in times of political/economic/social crisis.

Just for the sake of argument, you could claim that our contemporary world is seeing a lot of the same crises as inter-war Europe. "Endemic" small-scale warfare, economic depression/mind-blowing unemployment rates, violence (terrorism, drug warfare, warfare in general), politicians without solutions...obviously when you add a lot of nuance to these issues it's not the same as interwar europe. But just for the sake of argument, let's take our two anachronistic comparisons and play with the idea that we could learn something from the societies before us about how to deal with crises of meaning.

One thing Radcliff mentioned in lecture the other day really hit home with me: citizens in post-war Britain, despite all of the issues it was facing, the questioning of liberal capitalist values fundamental to their political and economic structure, believed in the system. Trief to effect change within the democratic, parliamentary process.

This type of "revolutionary" sentiment stands in stark contrast to the Bolsheviks, whose radicalist ideology was about challenging all the fundamental structures of liberalism and capitalism. The governance they put in place after the revolution is a new story, but anyways they were (mm...some were) about changing everything.

I think Americans today exist firmly in the former camp, completely and totally unwilling to undermine fundamental social and political structures, and I think this could be bad or good...I really don't know! I'm leaning towards good, but the radicalist strand in me says f it all and let's restart. At least in a long conversation with my best friends I might let me commie side emerge and talk about starting a real revolution.

Thoughts on Fulbright Application...

2010-08-25T21:38:00.004+02:00

My Fulbright application is due SOON! (Sept 13th). I've posted some of my musings below about what I'm looking at here....

A few years ago, while conducting research on the King-Crane Commission (see http://kimberlyjeanang.blogspot.com/2009/12/changing-views-on-self-determination.html), I kept stumbling on correspondence between the American commission members and some teachers at American colleges in the Near East. Deans at Robert College and at the Constantinople College for Women were not only important sources of knowledge about the Ottoman Empire, its politics and culture, but also the homes of pro-American sentiment. The Turkish Wilsonian League, for example, was established by the faculty of these colleges. Famous pro-American voices (such as Halide Edib Adivar and Ahmet Emin Yalman) were closely tied to these schools. I've been exploring this interest a lot more, and now trying to develop it into a cohesive project for my Fulbright application. Here is a sort-of-summary below.

I'm looking at the relationship between American protestant missionaries in the late Ottoman Empire-Early Republic, about 1850-1930. The main outposts of the missionaries are their schools, spread throughout Anatolia, the Arab provinces, and of course in Istanbul. Here, Robert College and the Constantinople College for Women are my primary subjects of study.

There are various dynamics that I'm interested in. One, RC and CCW are "lumped" in the scholarship discussing foreign schools and missionary schools in this period. In doing so, the diversity among the foreign and missionary school directives and practices are lost. Scholars skip over this diversity and instead focus on the Ottoman perception of all "foreign/missionary" institutions as a threat and impetus for reform. I think the subject demands a new perspective which delineates the differences among the foreign schools, and elucidates WHY and HOW these schools (though very different) came to be seen as a collective threat to the Ottoman identity and government.

Secondly, I think the school can also be viewed as a diplomatic outpost for the Americans, especially in the period where there is not American consul or open embassy. The school appears in diplomatic correspondence in such functions - it hosts American emissaries, is the almost exclusive source of American understanding of the near east (disseminated through various missionary newspapers), and in a number of diplomatic mini-crises, Robert College is a much more effective negotiator than the embassy. I don't know what "aim" I have here, but it's just...you know, a thing of interest.

Third, I am interested in the cultural, intellectual and political impact of education at RC and CCW on its students. A lot of scholarship has talked about this, but sort of without a way or system of measuring it (sources are a key problem here...). But I thinkkkkkk I would like to engage in a study of the student organizations - probably looking at this with more of a sociological and anthropological perspective on identity formation. This is relevant to point 1, in that it would tell us whether or not education at these schools actually has a subversive effect on Ottoman identity formation.

Anyways that's about what I've got so far..."in short." As you can tell its a bit scattered still, but I would really, realllyyy love your input. Does this sound interesting to you? Do you think the Fulbright would find it interesting? Do you know anyone studying this topic, and if so how could I get in touch with them? great, wonderful, I love you, thank you.

Why History

2010-08-18T05:22:00.000+02:00

I'm often asked by my "modern-world loving friends" why I study history. What's the point, why don't I do political science or something. Moreover, I'm asked, "why the middle east?" I generally deflect these questions by offering the glazed over standard answer: "Oh, I really like history," or "It's been my favorite class since the 8th grade" or "I like the teachers in my department." All this is true, and is generally the extent to which I humor my question-asker in the cocktail party setting. But as you may have noticed, I've begged the question. So let me expound on the the reason I spend so much time in the past...and in a region so remote to my own upbringing.

First, Why History? Because it offers us the opportunity to understand that the world could have, and can, be different than it is now. History reduces the biggest decisions of all time, made by larger-than-life characters, into the specific actions of men and women. In doing so, it reveals to us the vulnerability of humanity to itself. It reminds us of the power of the individual in history, and thus the individual in the present and future.

I had this conversation once along the pathway down to Bogazici University. My friend Tyler characterized my need to constantly be reminded that the world actually does change as a direct consequence of humanity as perhaps suggestive of some deep insecurities about human power. While I don't deny this, my liking for history isn't limited to a pathological self-satisfying study of (wo)man's significance. There is much more to the practice of history that I appreciate.

History is a very nice blend of the humanities and sciences. (This is not to say that other fields, say Anthropology or Sociology are not. Actually I really like these fields, too. And draw a lot of inspiration from them). But in history, you get to look at evverryyyythinnnggg as a source. Biographies, memoirs, court records, tombstones...you name it! Friday, I head to Stanford's Hoover Institute to review two sets of memoirs as the "big kickoff" to my senior thesis research. I'm very excited.

Part Two, "Why the Middle East" will have to be saved for later.

an excerpt from my "essay" aka elongated op-ed/rant

2010-06-11T04:09:00.000+02:00

...I should disclose that I have a strong personal affinity to the notion of global citizenship. My college education has groomed me to believe in it, and to act as a global citizen. It was a combination of exposure to these loose theoretical “metaphors” and also a growing consciousness of the precarious situation of non-citizens (stateless peoples) that my affinity for the ideology has shifted. It seems to me, in a period where the most basic of rights are being violated for non-citizens, the priority ought to be ensuring that at least everyone has the protections afforded by legal recognition of their status - citizenship. If we accept this notion, then it follows to adopt the most readily secure form of security available: national citizenship. The institution of citizenship at the national level has become more elusive, but not less valuable. It affords the right to be protected form the increasingly egregious measures taken in the name of national security. In short, I think this is not the right time for idealism, but for grounded legal activism. What I mean, specifically, will be addressed later in the essay....

paradox of neoliberalism

2010-06-10T22:40:00.000+02:00

if neoliberalist critics are pissed that the role of the state in distributing rights and protections and membership has been hijacked by privatization, shouldn't they be calling for a re-strengthening of the state as the proper geography of rights-dispensing institutions?

instead, sociologists are calling for a "capitalization" on the transformations offered by neoliberal globalization. conferring rights via the 'global city,' or rather, just recognizing that rights are being demanded in new neolib, transnational spaces.

how can they at once critique the inequalities that transnational guestworker programs have created and simultaneously acclaim the post-national membership ideal?

Finals Week

2010-06-09T05:46:00.000+02:00

I write to you from the Peets next to CVS, as I muse about my finals week schedule this quarter.

What I've been thinking the most about is how much I miss in-class finals. Term ID's, short answers, 2-3 page written essays. Post-final euphoria, hearing people yell and laugh as they exit exam rooms. The feeling of kicking a final in the ass, walking out and being DONE. Summer, beach, sun, awaiting you as you exit Peterson 108.

It seems like those kinds of finals have phased out of my life, and instead I have twenty page papers and research summaries replacing blue books at the end of each quarter. This blogpost is doubtlessly overly sentimental, and I fully expect that in the coming year I will have yet another encounter with an in-class final, but for now I miss the comfort of regurgitation. In those in-class finals, yes, they are grueling and exhaustive, but you only have to understand events! things! "Explain: Iran-Iraq War" At most, we get asked for a comprehensive essay on "pan-arabism in the 20th century," etc. But in these research papers, there's no cushion or easy fallback on specific events. I have to actually think. A lot. I have to actually argue, engage in the discourses of 20 different books, scholars and their theories.

For now, I'm just missing the comfort of an in-class summary of what "happened" that one time, that one place...

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to feel like as I move into my senior year I am challenged and capable of some higher engagement in scholarship. But it's a little exhausting, no?

Linguistic Anthro!

2010-04-27T08:57:00.000+02:00

The past few days have been absolute whirlwinds of learning! So much learning!

Friday, I attended a Linguistic Anthropology conference - Sandrizona: a joint project between UC San Diego and University of Arizona Linguistic Anthro grad students. The research in the anthro department has been incredibly impressive, and participating/getting involved in this department has been such a great experience this quarter because

1. the PEOPLE are incredibly supportive. Professor Kit Woolard, all the grad students in my seminar, made time today to listen to my feeble undergraduate research project, give me excellent feedback and wow...I'm ironically speechless about this, haha. It's just amazing the extent to which professors and grad students make themselves available.

2. their RESEARCH is so cool! Anthro is all about people - most/all of the research is fieldwork, intensive interviews. listening to their research is like getting a 2 hour window into a world (Cartenega? Barca? Estonia? Yucatan?) that I otherwise would probably never know about.

Also, today while I was presenting my latest project on Minorities and Nationalisms in Egypt, a grad student in the lit department, Nadeen, came to listen to my presentation since SHE is a COPT! Woot!! I was in the middle of saying, "Hmm, I am still working on grasping the extent to which Coptic is spoken at homes, in business, etc." when Nadeen raises her hand, chimes in and goes, "I can answer this question, I am a Coptic Egyptian."

I freak out with excitement/nervousness. You always get nervous with these things because of course you don't want to get it "wrong" - you are studying someone else's culture, language, identity, history, and you are certainly at risk of messing it up. But she was so kind and helpful.

Ok that's enough ranting about how great people are in this department! I'm just happy to have found them :).

Inter-communal relations and Nationalisms and Egypt: 1882-1922.

2010-04-23T12:04:00.001+02:00

Update: Presented at the Conference, had an AMAZING TIME listening to the other students in my panel present their research, and had lots of fun presenting mine as well.

Below: Claire and I with Dean Artis.

Note: This is a rough-ish draft of the introduction I will give tomorrow at the UCSD Undergraduate Research Conference.

Last quarter I conducted research for a colloqium on modern Egyptian history under Professor Hasan Kayali. We had a great deal of freedom to locate our particular interests within the very wide topic of "modern Egyptian history," which refers generally to the period following Napoleon's 1798 invasion of Egypt. As my thoughts were still very much involved with the nationalism in Turkey right now and its effects on the Kurdish minority, I essentially applied many of these curiosities to the Egyptian case study.

The period of my study is from 1881-1923..."ish." This period encompasses three movements which have since been classified as part of the nascent Egyptian nationalist movements - contributions to the idea of a growing, evolving definition of Egyptian. The most basic version of the question is "What kinds of Egyptian nationalisms are these?" This is not a new question! Trying to ascertain the religious, racial or ethnic, territorial characteristics of these movements is a pretty basic goal for most of these studies. However, what I wanted to do was ask these questions via the lens of religious, racial/ethnic, social minority communities in Egypt in this period. The idea was to figure out of it was an Islamic movement via the role of non-Muslim communities -- if non-Muslims participate and are embraced in the rhetoric of the movement - then, well, it's not exclusively Islamic. If non-Arabs are embraced, then its not an Arab movement, etc. I chose Copts, some 500k Christians with long residencies in Egypt; Jews, around 20k (1877 numbers); and finally the Syrian immigrants - some 35k mainly Christian Maronites.

So two sections of the project emerged. First was compiling the information I could find about the three minorities I selected. The "what" question. To what extent do we see Jews, Syrians, and Copts participating in these three nationalist movements? The natural question to follow was "why." If there are (which I say there are) patterns, continuities and evolutions regarding who gets included in the nascent definition of an Egyptian national, then..why? Why is it that Syrians and Jews are increasingly excluded and Copts are increasingly INcluded?

Well, what I hope to show in the the ten minutes is that what Syrians and Jews have in common, what the Copts don't - are levels of socio-cultural integration. Syrians and Jews either fail to or don't care about associating with the Arab Muslims peasants who comprise the vassstttt majority of the population in Egypt at the time. They often do not relate to that indigenous character linguistically, economically, or socially. Finally, they INSTEAD associate with a European identity against which Egyptians were asserting their narratives. The Copts, on the other hand, have a record of residence in Egypt that precedes the Arabs, and their level of social integration is so high that European observers often can't tell the difference between Copts and Muslims.

Thus one could situate my argument with a fairly typical approach to history of this region - I encourage you to think less along the lines of religion, to move away from the preponderance of religion as the sole or dominant element of identification. Instead perceive social integration, in ways a product of religious identity but not limited to, as the determining factor in who gets included or excluded from the idea of "Egyptian."

Wish List of "Stuff"

2010-04-23T11:40:00.000+02:00

1. subscription to foreign affairs (only $18)!
2. " " the economist (slightly more expensive)
3. for more places on campus to have free copies of the nyt again
4. maybe...a KINDLE?!
5. maybe...an iPHONE? / or new phone in general...
6. one round trip ticket to Turkey, please.

not like it's my birthday or anything. actually it's my sister's birthday, hehe. but sometimes its just nice to write down some things you might like for one day when you can redeem yourself a gift.

Detention

2010-04-23T06:40:00.000+02:00

No, not the school kind! This quarter I'm lucky enough to do a research project with Professor Ev Meade in the history department and a great group of undergrads on human rights issues. The group is split up into 3 tracks: immigration and detention policies, immigration and reproductive rights, and finally, the death penalty. My interest is in the first of these tracks, and each week I'm given an assignment to research a few specific cases and particularly their press coverage (local, domestic, international).

It's all very new to me - the methods of conducting newspaper archival research, using new tools and new programs, and realllyyy learning a lot that I had just never touched before.

This week, I was assigned to find newspaper coverage of two related cases: Kim Ho Ma and Kestius Zadvydas. Ma and Zadvydas were connected by a Supreme Court ruling in 2001 regarding INS detainees commonly referred to as "Lifers." Some 4,000 immigrants fell into this category by 2001 - they are stateless; ordered for deportation from the States, BUT their countries of origin refused to accept them. (Cuba, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, Lithuania are the most common national groups represented by the Lifers).

Ma's mother escaped from the killing fields of Khmer Rouge, while 8 months pregnant, first through the minefields of Cambodia, then tot the Philippines and finally to the States. She settled in Seattle and filed for asylum. But 20 years later her son became heavily involved in gang violence and was then sentenced for deportation. The 2001 Supreme Court ruling was in favor of Ma and similar cases like Zadvydas: decreeing that the government could NOT hold deportees indefinitely just because their countries wouldn't take them.

In response, Ashcroft and Bush leaned on Cambodia (by threatening to withdraw all visa privileges for Cambodian diplomats to the States) to accept Ma. He was deported in 2003.

Well anyways that's the gist of the story. I don't know exactly where it's all going (the larger research project), but it's pretty interesting to hear about all the different kinds of stories woven into immigration law.

Thoughts on the University of California

2010-03-05T03:25:00.001+01:00

These past few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind at UC San Diego. Almost every day I've been on campus in the recent weeks, there has been some sort of protest, movement, activist organization. This is NOT the "norm" for UCSD, and actually as a result of all this I've sort of strangely come to appreciate the "boring" political non-activism we used to be infamous for. Some peace and quiet go a long way - creating safe and tranquil environments for people to focus on their studies -- yeah, I miss it a bit.

Since it's impossible not to think of "real pain, real action" when it's staring at you or shouting at you, I've spent a maximum amount of time just fully lost inside the issue: thinking almost constantly about it, talking almost constantly about it with friends and faculty.

Anyways I'm going to just blog a bit about things that were said today at the the March FO(U)RTH for Education rally that really struck me.

Ivan Evans noted that while today was a small victory, our generation has yet to fully experience and have a real, big victory. I think he said, "When you win, you can fight forever." (Evans' own story is amazing - an apartheid fighter in South Africa turned Sociology professor, a passionate, articulate guide in the past few weeks to the Black Student Union@ UCSD and I think a role model to many people right now).

"When you win, you can fight forever." What does this mean to me/our generation? Maybe by adding in Obama's recent statements on healthcare, I can get to my point - he noted that what's at stake here is not only change to healthcare, but the legislature's ability to do anything at all. We were captivated by Obama who physically and rhetorically embodied something different, because our generation's political experience is chalk full of the same old, of "the man," the "system" and those vague "administrators" making final decisions, outlasting outrage and really just doing whatever. (Iraq War, No on 8, now healthcare). Maybe it's too much to speak for anyone but myself, but surely I have believed less and less in my actual ability to enact change at a high level.

(Which is partly why I've given up trying to change things at that level. Note that despite my ridiculous and retrospectively unbelievable involvement in community activities K-12, I have almost completely given up political activism since coming to college).

Fights that I believed in have been lost by the persistent, relentless tide of sameness perpetuated by the "power structure." The privatization of the UC is now that fight, and certainly we are at risk of losing this fight to administrative NOTHINGNESS. Just think of how all of this has happened! We've made an uproar in the past, gotten riled up and demanded change. The Regents and Yudof just dont do anything, and then we just get STUCK, stuck, stuck in their system.

We have to conceive change as actually, physically, tangibly possible and demand it now.

How?

Second thought is the coalition-building on campus, which is very characteristic of every social revolution. I'm curious to see how things play out.super rough timeline of the building:
black student union- +> mecha and LGBT +> students for justice in palestine + all browns (filipinos) +> allies (sympathetic asians/whites)

What is amazing about this mini-revolution is the character of the leadership! Today the people to take the stand in front of the thousand(ish) students were transgendered, brown, black, yellow, white...as one of the UCSD black alumni called it last Friday, "The Rainbow Coalition."

Okay those are some very jumbled thoughts! I'll hopefully get back to this later and make it worth your read.

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE

2010-02-26T10:34:00.000+01:00

I have never felt more ashamed, appalled, or confused about my University. What is happening here? What happened to decency, respect?

http://ucregentlive.wordpress.com/2010/02/26/a-noose-found-at-ucsd-library/

http://www.ucsdguardian.org/news/teach-in-walks-out/

http://www.ucsdguardian.org/news/party-foul/

http://www.ucsdguardian.org/news/campus-reacts-to-racial-slur/

places to study

2010-02-22T00:24:00.000+01:00

Now that I live off-campus, and BUDGET CUTS HAVE KILLED OUR LIBRARY HOURS, i've been working hard to find new places to study. My criteria for an excellent study spot are:

1. well-prices coffee and snacks

2. spacious tables

3. lots of power outlets

4. moderate overhead noise

5. location-view

With these standards in mind, I recommend to you:

PANNIKIN coffee and tea, Downtown La Jolla; 7467 Girard Ave., La Jolla, CA 92037; 858-454-5453

drinks and snacks are moderate-expensive - i've generally only ordered house coffee. they dont have any other coffee blends(no french roast, vanilla, etc...). as for the food selection, they have a chocolate-marshmallow smore-like bar that is quite delish, but i wouldnt highly recommend the quiche or hummus plate.

seating is excellent here! i'm a big fan of the set up - compartmentalized into different vibes. there's an outdoor seating area, perfect for sunny san diego sunshine-y days and generally people meet out there to chat and talk. it's a pretty international crowd so you'll get to eavesdrop on a lot of different languages, as well. inside, you'll find a fireplace, lots of outlets, and a cool chess board in the back.

CLIFF HANGER CAFE at Torrey Pines Gliderport.

drinks (coffee $2/cup) and sandwiches (about $7) are pretty pricey, but the view is great. just sit here and watch all the paragliders/hanggliders take off from the gliderport.

next up is LESTAT's in normal heights - hillcrest.

My #1 recommendation for its good prices, 24/7 hours!!!, comfort and overall greatness! the one catch is that its pretty far from campus: a 15 minute drive, only worth it if you're going to get at least a few hours of work. pictured left is hamish with the lestas menu. on the bottom shelf you can peek at their specialty cupcakes!!

Kurdistan Oil, Cont'd

2010-02-02T21:55:00.000+01:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/01/world/middleeast/01oil.html?ref=global-home

Constants

2010-02-02T09:41:00.000+01:00

So, BIG life changes in the past month! Moving back into the country, home and then south to San Diego. Big life changes, but some things are good and stable. I've sought out all those good, stable, dependable things in an effort to counterbalance all the change. And now I'm at the end of a month of de- and re-stabilization. Here's a short (and hopefully sweet) recap of my findings...

Being next to the water is universal-ish. The San Diego bay was a bit reminiscent of Istanbul, sans the 10million extra people, skyline of minarets, nightly fireworks and palaces. Nevertheless, it has a similar effect on the psyche.

Below are some pictures from a night out with my older sister Stephanie. We dined at Peohe's Restaurant on Coronado. The food was not bad, but also not amazing. Cool design in the restaurant and nice because it's right on the water.

And the San Diego sunset...something I really looked forward to, and didn't let me down in the least :). How ridiculously lucky I am to live in a place where I can run along this every day?

I went back to the bay this weekend and got even MORE stabilization via suburbia:

ah the rows of houses and cars, little coffee shops, the newly paved everything, shiny libraries and neatly planted trees. oh, SUBURBIA!

and finally, the most stabilizing of all forces, the family...a couple of pictures from this weekend and one from christmas because i couldn't find a more recent whole-family picture.

What's Happening to Oil in Iraq?

2010-01-27T02:30:00.002+01:00

Oil Company Near Settling Over Contract in Kurdistan

I came across this article as I was scanning the NYT this afternoon, and I thought I'd blog a bit about what's happening to hydrocarbons in Iraq (at least so far as my limited knowledge will allow me!)

Thus far a federal hydrocarbons agreement has not been reached. Yet weekly, we're seeing notices of oil companies staking out contracts in Kurdistan -- why? How?

Essentially, the way I see this, the northern Iraqi regional government (aka Kurdistan regional government aka KRG) is settling contracts as part of a stability move. By getting major companies from major companies (In this case Norway, but they've got companies from as diverse a mix as Korea, Turkey, UK, Australia, US...), the KRG is insuring that important and rich people have a stake in their continuity and stability. It seems like a pretty good strategy, except ...there's no federal hydrocarbons agreement! This article is just talking about oil in Dohuk, which is an "undisputed" KRG territory - but if the KRG starts trying to doll out contracts for say, Kirkuk...it will be chaos for everyone.

Until a federal hydrocarbons SHARING agreement can be reached - should the KRG be contracting with international companies, further mixing up the mixed up mess in Iraq oil interests? I'm skeptical.

On the other hand, investment needs to start ASAP because the country needs the revenue to start rebuilding. The KRG is, well, leading the way.

A last thought on something else that comes up in the article -- PETER GALBRAITH is getting quite a cut of the revenue. This is a little bit interesting! Galbraith has a long history with the Kurds - often being the only American diplomat advocating for them (in the gap years between Operation Provide Comfort and the Iraq War - as things were "touch and go" between the Kurds and the US)...Galbraith has been a strong advocate for Kurdish autonomy (sometimes, I stress, the only American advocate for Kurdish autonomy who spent long periods of time IN Kurdistan before 2003) and now, he's cutting a profit for it. Just some food for thought.

My One Month Anniversary : Back in America

2010-01-22T22:36:00.002+01:00

A couple of days ago, I realized that I've been back in the U.S. of A. for almost one month now. One month ago today, I packed up and left Istanbul, marking the end of a 6 month adventure in an amazing country.

So, what are my thoughts now? Of the past month, of those six, of the future...here's a slew of them.

On the past month: It's all just sort of "happened." Essays, work, sorority life...all just started happening and I got completely lost in it. It's been a rough adjustment, if you could even call it that. Almost nothing is as I expected it to be, and I've spent the past month in half a daze, going through the motions and completing all the tasks but my heart's been out of it for sure.

On Wednesday I had a strong and strange epiphany over a killer black tea at Peet's Coffee: it's time to get a move on now. Time to take control of my own damned life and make something with it! I'm here, this is how life is now and it is high time to move forward.

I flashed back to my birthday (was it only 4 months ago?) and the amazing feelings of empowerment that came along with my travels through southwestern Turkey. I tapped into those memories, reminded myself of how capable I am and briefly chastised myself for not doing enough with my life for a month.

So, I wrote myself a long letter and 10 succinct, important goals, packed up my stuff and started on my new adventure.

Changing Views on Self-Determination

2009-12-28T05:35:00.004+01:00

7 January 2010 edit to this post:

Read Eric Hobsbawm's Nations and Nationalism Since 1780, specifically chapter 5: "The Apogee of Nationalism," for a killer modernist perspective on the transformation and use of the self-determination principle in the post WWI period. an excerpt below:

"Given the official commitment of the victorious powers to Wilsonian nationalism, it was natural that anyone claiming to speak in the name of some oppressed or unrecognized people -- should do so in terms of the national principle, and especially of the right to self-determination...It was anti-imperial. Insofar as there were proto-national identifications, ethnic, religious, or otherwise, among the comon people, they were, as yet, obstacles rather than contributions to the national consciousness, and readily mobilized against nationalists by imperial masters...." (137).

I'm writing a final essay for my good ol' Theories and Case Studies in the Theory of Nationalism class in Turkey, and so I'm back in this whole nationalism thing. Specifically I'm looking at how modernists address something I judge to be the "contemporary reality" of "ethnonationalism." So far what I'm looking at is that modernists have focused their efforts on proving the emptiness of the "antiquity of nations" - ethnic nations, linguistic nations, and very importantly proving the recent invention of connecting the presence of a nation with the demand for a nation-state. However, when we look at contemporary separatist nationalist movements, many, arguably most of them are ethnic nationalist movements. I ask, so now what, modernists? Is it 'enough' for the school to write it off as an "imagined community," or part of the "inventing of tradition?" Essentially my first reaction is no. I think as theoreticians of nations, they have to address something that, while perhaps invented, is now "a reality."

Yeap, we'll see how this essay goes. Probably end up shoddy because I less than 24 hours to complete it...

_________

In my last spring quarter at UCSD, I began a research project on the King-Crane Commission (a.k.a the American Section of the Inter-Allied Commission on Syria) - an arm of Wilson's self-determination philosophy, born in the Council of Four meetings at the Post WWI Paris Peace Conference. A short history of the Commission: Wilson goes to Paris, finds out about all the Allied Powers' secret treaties and divvying up of the old Ottoman territories, gets disgusted and demands that they send in a "fact-finding" commission into the region and figure out what the people there want. The French and the British reluctantly agree, but never actually send anyone. So what's left of the "Inter-Allied Commission" is the American Section, headed but Charles Crane and Henry King...HENCE the King-Crane Commission.

I was infatuated with this commission because IF it and its report had been a bigger deal at the Paris Peace Conference, the state order in the Middle East, the construction of the mandates, of Israel, the partitioning of Syria -- all of it would have been different...but after a long time of not touching my research and just thinking about it, it's time to get real and admit that probably the reason I was so interested in this commission was because I believed so fiercely in self-determination. This became so clear every time I began to describe my research to my professors, family, friends, fellow students, etc., and I described this commission and its report as a failed opportunity for the United States. (I realize this is a little difficult to follow without knowing what happened, so another brief history lesson: The Commission was dispatched to Syria, conducted extensive interviews and research in the region and then produced a report and recommendations, all of which were later completely ignored. The consequences of this negligence were almost perfectly predicted in the Commission report, and well, "the rest is history."

Anyways let me get to the point of this post, which is that I've stopped thinking so highly of self-determination. It has ceased to be an uplifting idea, associated with freedom/independence. In the past semester, inundated with the study of nationalism and seeing the effects of a world order based off of nation-states, national self-determination, nationalistic factions, interests, obsessions...well, it's possible that nation-states were a mistake. nationalistic-ness...mistakes mistakes mistakes that possibly catapulted us into this century of "small scale endemic warfare" (see Joseph Jaffe's most recent article in Foreign Affairs).

Do I have an alternative world order? Meh, not really. I'm just doubting the viability of the one we've got now.

At Home, Sort of.

2009-12-28T03:15:00.003+01:00

Hi All!

I write to you from Cupertino, California, i.e. HOME! I arrived a few days ago, a few days that have just been a blur of family, Christmas spirit, Filipino parties, lots of food, and madddddd culture shock.

I'll quickly get the point of this blogpost, which is that I feel only partially present here at home. I described it yesterday like I was going through the motions of American/Californian life. All the comforts of home are wonderful, but not normal anymore. Obviously, in some time, life here, habits here, daily things here will again become my own. But my mind is preoccupied with thoughts of Turkey - and this perhaps will persist for much longer.

Today, my brain was occupied with the research paper I'm writing for my Foreign Policy of the Turkish Republic class, which is basically about the relationship between the United States and Turkey in regards to Northern Iraq-Kurdistan. I'm feeling exhausted after a day of reading about the violent history of the region and power-play politics.

Also, all day I was yearning to have someone to chat with about all this, which brings me to one of the key things I miss a lot about Turkey - people who are interested in Turkey! It's somewhat of a rarity here in my tech-obsessed Silicon Valley, and also at UC San Diego. I'm missing my friends/future colleagues in Istanbul with whom I can chat without end about any of these issues.

Anyways enough of that. Next post, I think, shall be about the history of Iraqi-US relations.

DTP, Kirkuk

2009-12-17T23:06:00.008+01:00

President of the DTP Ahmet Turk. photo from Hurriyet Daily News.

1. Closure of DTP
Last Friday night, when Tyler, Ruth and I were gossiping over dinner at Urfam Lokantasi (just a local restaurant), the news came on and it was big...the DTP had just been closed by the Turkish high judiciary. Everyone had stopped eating to watch it as it all unfolded - scenes from the court, scenes of crowds at local DTP offices across Istanbul, the DTP leader Ahmet Turk making remarks...my first thought was along the lines of "holy crap." My second was, "at some point in the future, I'm going to be sitting in class and the closure of the DTP is going to come up as some kind of political watershed in the "Kurdish question" and I'm going to think back to this moment when I found out..." It was a long thought. But the kind of thought that one has in these kinds of times.

Anyways I want to write a bit about why the DTP is important, and a couple of things I think might happen, a couple of things I think that possibly should be considered. Many of these are recycled thoughts from friends, since I'm far from the expert on Turkish politics and I'm much happier to pass along more qualified thoughts from those who are...

Basics on the DTP: It stands for "Demokratik Toplum Partisi," or Democratic Society Party; and in a slightly oversimplified explanation, it is (well, it WAS) the pro-Kurdish political party in Turkey. It was shut down, and many of its top officials banned from participation in the Grand National Assembly after over a year of debate in the Turkish Constitutional Court over 11 accusations of the DTP's links with the terrorist organization the PKK, DTP sponsoring violence and separatism in Turkey, etc.

I think there are 2 basic things most people I've talked to agree on. 1) The ruling is constitutional. The DTP was guilty of these accusations, its links to the PKK would inevitably implicate it this way. 2) Result of DTP closure = political chaos, violence, instability. Already we're seeing the political fallout DTP leaders scramble to decide how to proceed...protests in Istanbul (right next to my house), in the Southeast, the KRG (Kurdistan Regional Government) in Northern Iraq, and more.

Finally, I want to raise a few points. Perhaps you folks in the west have gotten wind about the DTP (one or two articles in the NYT I think). Thinking back to the way that I would have thought about this 6 months ago, my guess is that the west is easily interpreting the closure of the DTP as a problem of political freedom, evidence against the Turkish "democratic" process, an oppression of the Kurdish minority in Turkey. Actually none of these things are outrageously far from the truth...but just a thought: the PKK is officially designated by the Turkish government as a terrorist organization. Over the past 20 years, conflicts have led to over 30,000 deaths. Could you picture if a major American political party, or even a single politician, were somehow tied to having relations with al-Qaeda? I fully, completely, totally and wholly want to say this is an extremely problematic kind of hypothetical question. But I just want to caution against a quick write-off of this as a problem with democratic freedoms in Turkey.

That being said, there is a huge problem with democratic freedoms in Turkey. Perhaps another time, another blogpost...

2. Northern Iraq and the Brewing Battle over Kirkuk

The coming increased violence in Southeast Turkey (an inevitable consequence, I think, of DTP closure), will lead to tensions between Northern Iraq and Turkey. Turkey will turn the pressure on Barzani and his Kurdistan Regional Government, a defacto independent "state" composing the three N Iraqi provinces of Erbil, Sulemaniya and Dahut. Possibly, cross-border raids into N Iraq will increase in frequency and/or intensity, depending on what kind of attitude the KRG takes to this coming violence. Already, however, Barzani has come out strong against the Turkish Constitutional Court Decision (could he have done otherwise...?!).

The "fragile peace" that the US hopes to maintain in Northern Iraq is also dependent on finding a viable political and economic solution for Kirkuk: ravaged by Saddam, ethnically diverse, increasingly violent, and oil-rich rich rich rich (did I mention it has a lot of oil?). While the KRG has already declared Kirkuk its capital, this doesn't sit well alongside simultaneous Turkmen/Arab claims to this oil rich rich rich province.

Turkey stand absolutely opposed to the KRG claim on Kirkuk, which would give it the financial independence to actually break away from Iraq (though who knows if that would actually happen).

I think I'm a fan of the KRG political control of Kirkuk, but ONLY if some kind of oil profit-sharing agreement...an economic inter-regional sort of agreement, can be reached. But we'll see...as I learn more I'll keep you posted.

Well, that's it for now. I'm leaving Turkey on Monday night and am about to begin my goodbye weekend...saying goodbye (at least for now) to Istanbul, to my unbelievable friends, favorite places, favorite smells, foods, sights. Today by chance, iPod shuffle gave me Rachel Yamagata's "I"ll find a way... to see you again." I thought it was appropriate :).

I'm leaving soon...

2009-12-01T15:50:00.002+01:00

...and thus I'm thinking about how I'm going to miss Istanbul. Yes, of COURSE I'm going to miss this unique and beautiful city - miss my great friends here and all the places we go, things we do, all the great food and sounds and sights. But I've also missed home the whole time I've been here, and moving back a isn't such a terrible thing.

The thing is, I'm lucky enough to live in California: land of sun and sand and where my best friends are. And as a friend once put it, it's like going on vacation but actually living life. I live 5 minutes from the beach when I'm at school, I have almost perfect weather like, 360 days of the year. I have amazing sunsets and sunrises and awesome adventures awaiting me back home, and yeah, tabii, of course I'm going to miss Turkey. But Home, I'm looking forward to you, too.

Some things I really like about my life in Turkey

2009-11-17T10:42:00.011+01:00

Just as the title reads. Hope you enjoy!

Below ıs a pıcture of melissa, burcu, kazım, daetan and pınar enjoyıng dınner at my apartment. these dınner partıes (weekly-ısh) are one of my favorıte thıngs about the socıal lıfe ın ıstanbul...we cook together, enjoy each others company, have excellent dıscussıons about a wıde varıety of topıcs (the ıraq war, languages, cultural dıfferences, femınısm, and daetan and kazım never get together wıthout chattıng about dungeons and dragons haha), share music and general merrıment. İts not about getting drunk, not about anythıng really except sharing each others wonderful company and thoughts, recıpes and new frıends.

Below ıs a cafe ın Cihangir called Kahve 6. Ive lived in Istanbul for 5 months now and never even knew thıs thıng exısted...nor the park below. Yet another thıng I love about adventures ın the city...everyday you can turn a corner and fınd a new amazing vıew of the Boğaz, the palaces, the people.

Volkan at Kabataş. An amazing friend, guide, ağabey..i would certainly be at a loss wıthout hıs companıonshıp and advıce - always pushıng me to make the most of my experıence ın Turkey, remdindıng me of the bıgger pıcture and showıng me awesome places that Id just never fınd on my own. This picture was taken over one of our breakfast reunions - the usual simit and çay.

Cats at Boğaziçi. Fearless, persistent, cute.

Colors of Fall. The backside of Anderson Hall, where I spent my Mondays and Thursdays learning about nationalism or Byzantine art and architecture.

More of the view as I walk down the hill to school every day. Never gonna get over thıs.

Yenikapı, where Kaan and I began our adventure to Assos. Look at that view...

Yeşilyürt Köyü. A beautiful village up in the mountains above Edremit..famous for their olive trees and all the products assocıated with olive trees :).

Above: ruins of the Temple of Athena at Assos, in TURKEY. Lots of people dont know this, but there are tons tons tons of ancient Greek ruins (and Seljuk, and Byzantine, and Hittite, and every early civilızation ever) in Turkey...just waiting for you to come see them. There were approximately 4 people on top of this acropolis, and although I must admit that its the end of tourist season...seriously its just awesome to have these kinds of places "to yourself."

Below: One of the most amazing sunsets Ive ever experienced...overlooking Assos. I really cant even explain this. It was just too good...

Cumhurriyet Bayramı

2009-10-30T18:15:00.026+01:00

Since I found out a few weeks ago that my blog was picked up by Globalpost, an international news blog, I've felt the need to produce something, well..."globalpost-worthy." I started framing all my experiences within the question: "Is this blog-able?" It's been a failure. Blogging has never been much more than a stream of consciousness for me, and I think I've just about given up efforts to make it more than that.

So despite the past couple of weeks trying to compose some sort of coherent thought about Nationalism, the topic of today's post, I'm going to just go for it: list some observations, questions, thoughts, reactions...and hopefully that will suffice for my new readership.

First off, I want to say that my academic semester is saturated with discussions about nationalism. My two most intellectually challenging and interesting courses are dialogues about the varying theories and case studies of nationalism. I've been spending my evenings dissecting primordialist/ethno-symbolist/modernist approaches to nationalism, and then applying them to the case of "millet nations" in the Ottoman empire. Over the next half of the semester, I'll dive into Irish, Balkan and Russian cases.

As I've mentioned before, my days are largely composed of class, reading, and exercise. Basically this means I'm non-stop thinking about these theories...and this past Thursday, 29 October, was the perfect day to be bombarded with the physical manifestation of all these thoughts. Cumhurriyet Bayramı is the celebration of the day that Atatürk officially proclaimed the Independent Turkish Republic in 1923. The following are some images of Turkish pride...

Some of these flags have been around for a couple weeks now, like the smaller ones that line the streets in the Beşiktaş Belediyesi, for example. Part of this is a result of the strong inter-municipality competition among the districts in Istanbul, each governed by a different political party trying to prove that they are the most proud of the Turkish republic. Otherwise, overnight the city turns into one big star and crescent via businesses, families, schools, etc. all either proudly displaying the Ay Yıldız or bowing to the pressure of nationalist fervor. (Know the neighbor on the street who refuses to put an American flag up on July 4th?)

On Thursday morning, Cole, Grace and I trekked to Aksaray to check out the official Istanbul parade for Cumhurriyet Bayramı. I snapped all those pictures above on my bus ride from Hisarüstü to Aksaray. Below are some of the many photos I have from the actual parade. Summary = little kids with parents, lots of schoolchildren (some very evidently disgruntled and apathetic, some seemingly enthusiastic - perhaps an effect of a stern schoolmaster?), military and veterans, some politicians, etc...

I think it's quite easy to say that a bunch of flags and even the show of tanks, or military power, isn't too harmless. Except that this kind of mentality is not saved for Cumhurriyet Bayramı. It's something that unfortunately, a huge part of the Turkish population lives every day. Surges of "national unity" pride that are euphemisms for protests against the recognition of the problems that Turkey faces, problems that military, politicians, and then the people too often and too easily radicalize as theats to the unity of the Turkish Republic as Atatürk envisioned it 86 years ago.

In this sense, Turkey is stuck protecting the borders of its National Pact. Still, 89 years after Sevres, in the Sevres mentality - convinced that the world is still trying to tear apart Turkey as imperial powers did the Middle East in the inter-war period. (But now, new parties are the major threats to Turkey's "sovereignty": Armenia, the Kurds, Greece, Israel, America). I learn about Sevres mentality in class, and then it pops up left and right in newspapers, politics, and even in conversations with friends...and I just can't help but write about it.

Now, I'm going to take a major turn and stop writing about these things that really upset me. Having accused Turkey of being overly obsessed about a past that is no longer politically or socially relevant, I should say that actually, I really like Turkey! There have been times in the past 4.5 months that I feel like I don't belong here, that I can't stand and make me miss America so much. But the thing is...I can list out those times, I can tell you about what happened in that specific moment, I can probably describe those few guys who really blew it for Turkey. Those times are "countable," whereas my affection and love for the warmth of Turkish culture (things I promise to write about in my next blog post) is now a full-fledged part of my life. I don't know how I'm going to say bye to it on the 22nd...

Anyways, Cumhurriyet Bayramı Kutlu Olsun everyone. (Sorry, I'm 2 weeks late). And at the least, fierce nationalism puts on a great fireworks show:

A Photo Recap of the Last Month

2009-10-06T00:56:00.008+02:00

Let's start with some flashes of my life for the past 30 days:

this pic was taken on a night "touring" the old city with the newly arrived bogazici exchange crowd. don't know how this happened with the light, but i like it. shortly after i took this picture it started to POUR buckets of rain. it was awesome :).

the next two shots are from tyler and my trip to greece - well, more accurately a trip to the border. my visa was expiring so i had to go renew it by crossing the border, and ty and i decided it would be funnest to walk from turkey to greece. it was fun, except we had no time to actually chill in yunanistan. the walk through "no man's land" between the borders was so beautiful and picturesque we didn't even know what to do with ourselves.

the most ironic picture i've ever taken:

this is a view from an awesome hangout spot on my campus. if it has a name i don't know it, but it's awesome and we've spent quite a few evenings here enjoying this amazing view of bogazici koprusu and the strait.

the black sea and a lovely restaurant that kaan took me to. we literally spent 5 hours here just talking and enjoying the relaxing, chill atmosphere.

a typical night out in taksim with the crew: tyler, myself, daetan, paul and ruth.

THE best caffe latte i've had in turkey:

melisa and i on our girl date to the asian side (uskudar). we went to one of my favorite restaurants, dilruba, and enjoyed a top notch quality meal, an amazing view and each other's wonderful company. and afterwards, in amazingly typical turkish fashion, our waiter walked us all the way to the ferry. lol.

ruth and i :).

why have i not blogged for 30 days? well, i've been sort of rebelling against my blog and just indulging myself in experiencing life without too much reflection; and/or i've been reflecting on things i dont quite feel like blogging about. but i'm back!

the new big thing in my life is school. since it's started up, i've been reallyyy absorbed in my coursework. my primary goal for coming to bogazici was to expand my coursework (breaking free of the relatively limited selection at ucsd in near eastern history), i'm trying to take advantage of the unique opportunities i have here to learn in a different environment, from different perspectives. that's definitely happening. i feel myself pushed to think in new ways, and the challenge is exhilarating and of course, exhausting. i've included a pic below of school (stolen from melisa!) and i promise to take a few pics of my view from the classroom i spend most of my time in...

yeah, i definitely spend most of my time in class or reading and preparing for class. the second big use of my time is VOLLEYBALL. i just made the bogazici school team, sort of. since i'm leaving second semester i can't compete with them, but i'm setting for them as they train, and the girls are so great and sweet. i loveeee having a team again and though its also exhausting, its 100% worth it.

okay thats all for now. better, more consistent blogging to come. toodles!

birthday blogging

2009-09-14T10:04:00.004+02:00

Hello all!!

I write to you from my pension terrace in Patara, Turkey. It has been an amazing week of “solo” adventuring for me. While I left Istanbul as a lone traveler, I have been so fortunate to make excellent company at each stage of my little getaway. In Olympos at the treehouse pension we were staying at, by some crazy stroke of good luck, I ran into Dilan, a friend of my new roommate in Hisarustu. I was standing in line with friends from the gullet cruise, waiting for dinner when all of a sudden Dilan walks past! Turns out Dilan is staying in Olympos for a few days, studying for her TOEFL and GRE exams. Since I, as usual, had no plans and no idea what I was doing, I decided to stay and hang out.

This turned into an excellent decision and a great night. I dined with Dilan and Selim, another PhD student at Bogazici, over which we discussed our various research interests and practiced my Turkish J. After dinner I did some significant catching up on the news (finally watched Obama’s healthcare speech - a 45 minute speech that turned into like an 1.5 hour exercise bc of the internet connection lol) and afterwards we set off for the beach:

a little love from the ancient inhabitants of olympos:

The olympos beach was beautiful at night, and I think more beautiful than in the day. (I spent most of the day at the beach, too, jumping off some small cliffs with Simon the Aussie), The moon was amazing, and the beach is flanked by 2 grand mountains…it was (as most of the trip has been) so surreal, so movie-like and somewhat unbelievable. Our little gang on the beach that night was an eclectic mix: Dilan, Selim, Zeynep, Matthias, myself and a few others who we had med at the pension. We walked and talked about some very interesting ideas until 2, when Zeynep, Selim and myself made the trek back to the pension. While I’d planned on heading to sleep, Bayram (the owner of Bayram’s treehouse pension) and I ended up chatting about Olympos, why and how treehouse pensions became such a big deal there, how he started this place (at 17) and how it boomed into this amazingly successful business. At 3, I called it a night and went to bed.

The next morning I decided it was time to move on. I picked Patara, having seen this amazing stetch of beautiful coastline from my gullet cruise days earlier and wanting to return. I said my goodbyes, boarded a bus and set off. There were 4 other travelers to Patara - Parisians making a 3 week tour around Turkey. We ran into each other later that day at the beach (of course the first thing I did after arriving at my pension was leave for the coast), and shared a few drinks and laughs about my ridiculously broken French.

I shared my evening with a group of 7 Cambridge students who are touring this side of turkey in their studies of Ancient Civilizations. Nick, Sophie, Sas, Alex, Alex, Steve and Antony. Nick, Sophie and Sas graciously extended an invitation to dinner, which I accepted. We trekked through Patara (one of the smallest towns I’ve ever been in - INCLUDING JULIAN, CALIFORNIA) to find dinner at the Flower Pension. The 8 of us enjoyed an amazing casserole and I was absolutely riveted in conversation through the entire dinner. Fresh faces, new questions, new stories…I was challenged in a refreshing way to explain my experience thus far in Istanbul, to summarize my thoughts, feelings, reactions to Turkey. They wanted more extensive responses to typical questions, and asked me more than anyone else thus far. So I re-started the explorative process that had otherwise been occurring almost exclusively in my journal. Needing to vocalize and articulate my thoughts about Istanbul’s atmosphere, it’s unique predicaments, about my personal experience in the city - all of this has catalyzed and invigorated my thinking and thoughts about Istanbul and me in it.

When we finished dinner, it really started to pour. Our waiter (in typical Turkish hospitality) volunteered to drive us home though the storm. A long game of poker and sleep were next in order.

In the morning I set off for a run to the beach. ONCE I arrived, it began to pourrrrr downnn. Like I haven’t been in rain this strong in a while. The beach café staff was warm and welcoming, as were 2 lovely Swiss ladies who obliged to give me a ride home (after, of course, I had enough good fun playing in the rain J). My French kicked in again - though dotted with Turkish. It is sooooooo hard to switch language gears!!! I couldn’t stop thinking in Turkish - couldn’t find the words in French and kept accidentally saying “evet” instead of “oui,” asking questions in Turkish rather than French…it was really an lol event.

Anyways I requested to be dropped off in the town center (slightly ashamed to ask for a ride up the hill to my pension) and so had to make a trek through the town in no pants (mine were far too wet and I had to take them off). That was fun….

At home, I cleaned off and the sun came out, so I just suited up again and headed for the beach again! Met up there with the Cambridge kids, and sort of spent the day learning a lotttt about Oxbridge. I really can’t even express how fortnate I feel to have made such great company…each of them has a wonderful, interesting distinct personality that is so much FUN for me to observe and absorb. After catching my first proper, beach sunset in months, we walked home.

And I spent my evening turning 20, brushing up on some history, relaxing in the cool of my pension and feeling quite content.

On this new decade:

I feel empowered. I feel more capable than I ever have, and excited for the decade of adventuring that lies ahead. As I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, I’ve spent the majority of my last month in Turkey with 26 and 27 year olds. I am now more aware of my youth and also far more comfortable with it. In a new, confident way, I accept and embrace where I am in my life, and who I am in the world. Finally, I feel comfortable in my own body, comfortable with my mind and thoughts, and capable of whatever lies ahead.

While being alone on my birthday is a teensy bit sad, it is exactly what I wanted to do. To leave Istanbul and its 24-7 energy, noise, its 20 million people. To get away and figure out what was going on with me before Wednesday rolls around and I am again immersed in new everything at Bogazici. To move without dodging people on the streets, to sit in quiet, peaceful solitude and enjoy quality time with myself.

All of this being said, I miss you all and love you very much. And I am looking forward to a much-belated birthday celebration full of the people I love the most.

chess games

2009-09-07T15:09:00.005+02:00

hey everyone!!! i write to you from a little internet cafe in kas, in southern turkey on the aegean coast.

i left istanbul on saturday night by hopping on a bus to fethiye. i'm all by myself, and this trip is definitely a leap of faith on my part, having no experience truly traveling alone. i was determined, though, as previous blogposts have expounded on, to get to this coast before summer weather expired. SOOO i got to fethiye on sunday morning with the plan of sort of lazing around for a few days and then taking one of these "blue cruises" to olympos on tuesday. however, once i got to my hostel in fethiye (which was an adventure in itself), tuna (the owner of the hostel) made some calls and discovered that the "company of choice" was booked until thursday...UNLESS i got on a cruise THAT DAY. since i was totally planless, i was just like, ok sure whaever, hahaha. so in 10 minutes there was someone there to pick me up for this cruise. got onto the boat and i've been "cruisin" (hahaha) ever since! *note: i'm not talking about like a cruiseline princess/celebrity cruise or wahtever - this is a nice little boat that fits about 15 ppl.

some shots of my uber surreal life from the boat:

near oludeniz:

where we docked for night one:

today's first stop with a turtle sighting (that i couldnt get a picture of)!

a rare picture of me in the pristine waters of the southern aegean:

and to, perhaps belatedly, get to the title of this post. somehow chess has come back into my life over the past week. my friend from tomer, a saudi named mohammed, has been urging me to play chess with him for a while and despite my incredible insecurities i caved on thursday evening. we sat at haciagolu, ate lahmacun and pulled out his chess board. the reason i've been SOOO hesitant to play chess is because, well, i dont have any moves! i dont remember any of the strategies, playing styles or anything that my dad taught me years ago...and without a long-term plan or any kind of idea about how to tackle the game, i dont even want to start.

my life is sort of like this. i'm pretty obsessed with long-term plans, big picture life maps, etc. but this game of chess reminded me that long term plans are crap. things evolve, change, and half our lives we dont really have control over. how my opponent moved shaped what my choices needed to be, what life gives me is what i need to fumble or deal with the best i can. turned out that i could hold my own against mohammed (and my latest chess partner stanislas - a russian/kazak/german on my cruise). just need to trust myself, take a leap of faith even when i dont have a long term plan. just take things one step at a time. having realized that this is basically the theme of my little vacation to the turquoise coast, i thought i just had to share it with you. so yeap there it is! learning life lessons while floating around on the gorgeous southwestern coast in turkey, missing all of you and hoping to hear from you soon.

kızılcahamam

2009-09-01T14:54:00.010+02:00

on friday right after class, i met volkan up in levent where we would take an isbank service bus to ankara. we were on this bus from 6 to 11 ish, and i really enjoyed just seeing more of istanbul by bus. as i've mentioned before, i much prefer traveling by bus than plane since you i see the landscapes better. the route followed the sea of marmara coast for some good time, and i was able to see the huge build up of turkish industries lined along this major fault line. as in, earthquake fault line.

we got into ankara late friday night. volkan's dad picked us up and brought us back to their home, where we basically called it a night. saturday morning we were up brightttt and early (well, i was SORT of up haha) to pick up a few of volkan's friends and 15 loaves of break from the bakery. after a big reunion among volkan's super close friends from home, we set off for the forest!

my first animal sighting (and only). i thought it would appropriate to attach a little side story to this turtle about this phrase that my turkish teacher uses 24/7: "yavas yavas." it means "slowly, slowy." the pace of life here is so fast, so busy - or at least it always seems that way because the city is so FULL! and yet that phrase "yavas yavas" comes up so often. kind reminders to slow it down, to be patient despite the immediate reaction to try and go at the same pace as istanbul...

sorgun lake, okan and emrah cooking up a storm...

possibly my favorite moment of the trip:

when volkan described this camping trip to me, he said this: there will be a lot of men, drinking, eating, dancing, and joy. so, so true hahahah!! but really, a bit about how fun this was: in the morning we packed up camp and moved down to where we had parked the cars. volkan put the radio on and found a station with the right kind of music (something we could "sik sik" to) and
volkan, mehmet and ahmet immediately started the party :). emrah and okan spotted them and sprinted down the hill, despite each carrying tons of leftover food, sleeping mats and tents, dropped the stuff and joined in. when i joined in, it was just so, sooo fun.

one of the best moments of my entire trip, where despite any-all language barriers, my timidity, self-consciousness..it all just fell away and i shared in on this moment of happiness among friends :). huge thanks to all the gentlemen who made me feel so welcome that weekend.

and food food food - another universal language of love.

playing "bluf"

a parting picture of the whole gang

on the drive back to the city. a few glances of turkish landscape:

after a wonderful time in ankara, we hopped on a night bus back to istanbul and arrived at 5am!

since it was my last day in my flat, i took some very necessary pictures of the view from my bedroom....

and my daily (or multi-daily) trek up and down these stairs - from akyol to the coast.

this post isn't really "done" but its so damn long and i know you all despise these uber long posts hahaha. so i'll just end it here! next post will hopefully come from the turquoise coast. i begin my travels tomorrow evening by bus to fethiye..and i'll figure it out from there! toodles!

living by the water, living at the beach

2009-08-26T11:01:00.005+02:00

on september 5th (i finally decided!) i'm going to hop on a bus at take off for fethiye, the fulcrum of the turkish turquoise coast. in doing so, i'll be fulfilling a long desire to visit this strip of gorgeous mediterranean sunshine, sand, and relaxation.

i'm looking forward to my reunion with the coastline, as i've been thoroughly homesick for blacks, the shores, and our fave "private" beach in santa cruz. i'm nervous to travel by myself, but determined to get to the beach asap. being next to the water, soaking up the sun -just makes me so happy and is the ONLY way i want to spend my 2oth birthday :).

came across this article today. it's a story that made me smile, and zero news about iraq has been smile-worthy (especially in the last few weeks). since it's sort of relevant to this blogpost: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/24/world/middleeast/24habbaniya.html?ref=middleeast

enjoy!

a wondeful weekend

2009-08-24T22:26:00.008+02:00

got a lot of good things done this weekend!! i've been itching to get out of istanbul -- just for the sake of travel. on saturday, tony (one of my flatmates) and i went to the bus station and hopped on a bus to edirne, a couple of hours out of istanbul. edirne is situated righhttt on turkey's border with greece, and its famous for the selimiye camii, and the 2 rivers that pass through it and form much of the natural border with greece.

so after the UBERRRR comfortable bus ride to edirne (the bus system in turkey is super developed. its nicer, in my opinion, than flying on a plane. first off, you get to SEEE everything you pass by, whereas in a plane for the most part i'm looking out the window to clouds. secondly, the seats are more comfortable, i get more free snacks, and on some buses they even offer internet!) anyways we got into the city and our first stop was the selimiye mosque. here's a pic of me there:

selimiye is most famous for its dome, which exceeds the diameter of the dome of aya sofya, and thus fulfills the lifelong ambition of truly epic ottoman architect mimar sinan. when i walked in, i decided it was THE most beautiful mosque i've ever been in. in a close 2nd is yeni camii, built by one of sinan's talented successors.

after the mosque we grabbed some çay in the town's central area and planned our next steps: another mosque and then to the river. but first, there were PEACOCKS! :)!

okay this mosque is famous for its giant calligraphy. super cool.

then, a lot of walking to get to the river. passed over 2 bridges (including the one pictured below) to get to the nice little lokanta that we enjoyed for a few hours. it was soooo calm, so quiet, so relaxing. what a change from the çok kalabalık (very crowded - 20 million people) nature of istanbul life.

i have no pictures of this, but on our way back from edirne i was awakened by a lot of shouting/singing/chanting. i was really confused about what was going on - i thought maybe a demonstration? (haha, this was a sort of silly conclusion. since i pass demonstrations on my way to class almost daily, i just assumed oh okay! another demonstration!) turns out it was actually a send-off party for military service - just a community cheering off one of their young men.

anyways, the next day we set off to go swimming in the bosphorus. tony, volkan, esther and i got on a ferry to the asian side, hopped a dolmus to beykoz and took off an a smallll chartered boat. within seconds at our first stop, this was me and esther:

just BEING in the water again was amazing. goodness i've missed it! (still missing the ocean!) but this reminder of how happy the water makes me really influenced the decision to spend my 10 free days on the turkish turquoise coast.

tony and esther above. me, enjoying an apple below.

volkan with our captain! volkan is wearing the cap but is NOT our captain! haha

okkieee dokie! after a weekend of adventuring, i was itching for more! so i'm setting off with volkan this evening for his hometown of ankara. we arrive late friday night and early saturday morning we go camping somewhere between ankara and istanbul. monday morning, i'll be back in town for my last week of tomer turkish language courses! till then :).

everything seems so fleeting

2009-08-22T00:57:00.008+02:00

in my short 6 month stay in istanbul, it seems impossible, with relationships, to not consider how temporary, shifting and fleeting time with new friends is. this probably has everything to do with the one month increments of life i have here. first, one month with uc san diego, right now i'm doing a month in cihangir (which expires at the end of this week). and september is just a loose ends month: i'm finishing up intensive turkish language courses on the 4th, and then on the 5th i'm taking off to travel for 10 days. coming back on the 15th for bogazici universite orientation -- but classes don't start until the 28th so who KNOWS what i'll be doing. getting to know other students, i guess? hopefully a little more travel?

in october, i'll finally settle into a slightly more regular life with 3 months of classes. but until then, i'm just a fleeting part of the busy istanbul time-space continuum. in some ways this is just part of my experience -- hopping around istanbul, literally moving up the coast to a new flat every month. (sultanahmet, cihangir, and friday to hisarustu). but when my roommate aysha left for her masters in belgium, i began to think more and more about this fleeting nature of my relationships here. at once, sad and novel...aysha and i, for example, knew each other a total of 21 days and yet i feel like she's made this great impact on my time here. keeping me energized, challenging the way i think about things, simply by virtue of letting me into her life for this brief period, my path has shifted and changed. well, at the very least, i'm grateful for the chance to meet great people - short as our time together may be.

volkan, aysha and tony on the terrace at besinci kat (my favorite terrace in istanbul), enjoying aysha's last night in town.

aysha's last breakfast at akyol. volkan came home from work with some borek and we had a few good laughs before leaving for the airport.

my verryyy used copy of the turks today, with aysha pointing out a real life example of a turk, today. i really wanted her to do this, haha.

aysha and her best girl friends (and me) saying goodbye.

where to go

2009-08-18T22:27:00.005+02:00

aysha and i started the day off with a stimulating conversation about israeli policy, the occupied palestinian territories, birthright trips to israel, and she shared some of the really tragic things she saw in palestine, and i shared the challenges of even discussing this issue in the states without offending a friend. more to come on this later...i've been mulling that post over for a while.

a few days ago i posted on facebook that i am pretty determined to travel in the 10 days between the end of my intensive turkish language course and orientation for university. i've been exploring the different places i want to go, and here is my official list!

places outside of turkey:
1. cairo
2. damascus
3. beirut
4. jerusalem

places in turkey:
1. fethiye
2. cappadocia
3. anywhere and everywhere east

after chatting this over with everyone who will chat with me about it, i think i've decided to stay in turkey (or very very close). fethiye is becoming more of a reality by the day. hopefully somewhere good this weekend as well -- ankara maybe.

okay that's it for this post. i'm going to switch up the pace of this blog a bit in the posts to come. burgeoning topics: my political opinions about the israeli-palestine conflict, news from saudi arabia, kurdistan, iraq, afghanistan, and kuala lampur. also, i'm going to talk about my most recent research project, and i'll finally explain why i'm really in turkey, why i'm studying the history of this region and what i think lies ahead for me.

things i miss from home

2009-08-14T00:14:00.004+02:00

1. people
2. being able to read a print copy of a newspaper every day
3. driving right up to basically anywhere i want to go
4. being fluent in the relevant language
5. weather

yeap, those are the biggies!!

bits and pieces to get this blog back on track!

2009-08-13T01:21:00.005+02:00

its high time for me to write an update on my life in istanbul. while i'm sad to be posting less and less, i think it stems from me DOING more and more in this amazing city, and that's good news.

since my last "real" post, i've moved into my wonderful new apartment in cihangir with the best flatmates i could ask for (volkan, aysha, tony), hosted my parents and sisters, begun turkish language lessons, begun my daily yoga practice at cihangir yoga, and have just finalllyyyy begun to feel "at home" in istanbul. i definitely acredit this to moving out of the ucsd group's hotel in sultanahmet, and into the heart of the NEW istanbul.

from my bedroom i have a gorgeous view of the bogazici koprusu, and after a week of decorating, i really feel like i can call this place my own. at least for the next month!

the social life in my apartment is amazing, and i can't believe my luck at finding such sincerely great people to live with. its hard, in a big city/the world, to find good people, i feel so damn fortunate to have these 3 in my life now! i've been having stirring, challenging intellectual conversations (iraq, the future of europe, the american dream, the end of the nation state as we know it, charter schools in america, the headscarf, islam in politics in turkey...the list goes ONnnnnnnn). all of this is mixed in with just excellent kick back time. for example,
tonight at 11pm, tony and i decided we were bored and so we went to get some cay (i was craving). at 1am, we decided we weren't yet ready to go home, so we set off for istiklal, and he showed me nazirpede (i think? cant remember exactly), and this ridic cool club araf that i'll fasho be back at this friday night.

the flatmates celebrating aysha's 26th bday!!!

we also did tony's intiation ceremony that night. volkan comes up with some ridic stuff we have to do to become members of the akyol gang :). it involves knives, a big stick, and then some.

anyways to skip all around for brief updates...my family's visit was all in all so nice. despite some intense injuries (stephanie sprained her ankle halfway through, and my dad's hip was gone by the end), the fam really toughed it out through the hot and humid istanbul summer! they really pushed through big sightseeing days (we did topkapi, ayasofya, sultanahmet, basillica cistern ALL IN ONE DAY). OH annnndddd great side story: I GOT A MUZE KART! this is a highly sought after 10TL pass into basically all the museums in turkey. its worth like 100's of TL in entry fees, and i've been asking at every museum i pass if i can get one but it's only supposed to be availalbe for turkish citizens! i dont know how this happened, but a security guard at ayasofya HOOKED IT UP and now i have a muze kart and i can go to all the museums all the time! i cannot express my excitement other than in CAPS YAYYYYYYYYY for this!!!!! yay yay yay!!!

anyways my fam really came to like istanbul by the end of the trip. not gonna lie, its a challenge to like a place where you don't speak the language, and its so hot that u cant go outdoors without sweating profusely, but i think istanbul's charm is irresistible :). as much fun as i had bringing my fam all around and acting as tour guide, the best of times were just sitting around with my sisters and parents playing card games, drinking cay, catching up on life.

some pics from the family visit:

yeah, we went to asia and did the compulsory asia pic. actually this was followed by the nicest dinner i've had in istanbul at a restaurant called dilruba with the coolest view of the bosphorus. and dilruba was hosting a turkish wedding that night!

stephanie getting some amusement out of the kahve dunyasi chocolate spoons! this one had just melted in her hot chocolate.

cathy lounging at my apartment. turkish samovar in the foreground, with elma cay waiting to be consumed :).

family at ayasofya.

i've also made some cool new friends at tomer, my turkish language school. deniz, senim, and her sister dedim. grabbed some dinner and drinks after class today at a nice terrace bar off of istiklal, and then headed to senim/dedim's apartment in osmanbey for some cay, to do our homework, and play with dedim's rosetta stone. (according to rosetta stone, i can't speak english correctly. nor can deniz/dedim, both native german speakers, speak german!)

ok well its 2:45 am and i promised myself i would get up to write postcards to friends (apparently they are getting lost in the mail!), so that means i have to cut this short. hopefully better this than nothing!

iyi aksamlar (good night)!

moments that make your day, and life.

2009-08-03T22:45:00.006+02:00

this past week has been all about BIG CHANGES.

the san diegans left, and i began to fly solo. i moved into my apartment in cihangir on akyol sk. after a couple of days of living in the city, really on my own, my family came to visit! everything has been moving very very fast, and i'm so happy to take a second now to recount important moments that have really kept me going in the hullaballoo of my new life in istanbul.

- today, on a bus back form eyup when a guy got up from a sort of complicated sitting situation to try and allow me and my sisters to sit together.
- simit, cay, and pastries next to the bosphorus with my new roommates
- my mom bringing me literally an entire box (large printer size) of filipino food to last me my next 5 months in istanbul
- my sister bringing me all the american snack food indulgences that i l-o-v-e-d as a kid (and still very much do)
- getting great gifts from hamish via the fam
- getting facebook messages from best friends back home
- my flatmate volkan meeting my family and trying to explain how nice it is to walk down the stairs from our apartment just after waking up, maybe spotting a dolphin in the boshporus and how happy that makes him
- finding out that volkan ( a 27 year old financial controller and masters student) has played starcraft for the past 12 years and still plays it. often. (also he plays the bass and guitar, hahaha).
- every single time my other flatmate aysha (she is half belgian, half english, and (sadly for me) about to return to belgium for her masters in humanitarian aid) breaks out in laughter and says, "ahahahahahhahahahaha I LOVE turkey!!"
- whenever someone flatters me with a compliment on my turkish
- walking around sultanahmet again - knowing and talking to everyone we walk past
- trying to ask how to renew my akbil (metro pass), and the metro guy writing the prices on his hand to explain it to me
- sharing this view...

- ...with my family

last days with the san diegans

2009-07-25T00:01:00.004+02:00

all of a sudden, this whirlwind month with ucsd abroad was at a one week countdown! determined to make the most of this last week (despite finals looming over our head), our group set out with a renewed energy to use up our remaining credits on our akbils (metro passes), see more of istanbul, and just live it up!

karaokeing, a day of mad shopping at cevahir, and oh yeah -- i got a haircut. hahah! chinese food for dinner (sooo goooooodddd!!!), and then a night painting the town red on istiklal...all made for some great memories! many of which should not be documented on this blog! hahahaha. here are some that can:

chelsea and i at a nice little cayhane in taksim square with a nice breeze and view of the Bogaz.

Istanbul Modern -- free on thursdays! really enjoyed the room exhibit and the library. after seeing so much of istanbul's 1700 year heritage, the modern art makes for a nice change.

some good times in the hotel before we went dancing around istiklal!

dinner in besiktas, filled with the usual laughter :).

FINALLY we got around to yeni camii. loved it (mentioned this in my last post).

renata at the goodbye dinner. what a cutie patootie.

with yasemin, our coordinator; and rabia, our tour guide

one last shot of the group after a great night on pasazade, our hotel terrace. ataturk bridge in the background. i love this photo because everyone is smiling SO big and so happily! it's been a great month istanbulites, i promise to write!!

some last inside jokes, in case any of the san diegans get around to reading my blog:
"are YOUUUU saved???!
the crusaders were like, "yeah, we bad."
and so the knight and the lord were in the little tower, hunched over dueling.
"do you have a mirror in your pants?"
carline and her pimp mike, working the levent line.
anythign to do with red one.
anything to do with bo and a camera.

k. good times :). miss all of you already and you better keep in touch!!!!!!!!!!!

blue mosque

2009-07-24T23:47:00.002+02:00

for all the hype about the blue mosque, i realize that i still don't really know that much about it. 16th century, built across from hagia sophia by the sultan ahmed I and architect mehmet aga. there's a couple of good stories that go along with its founding -- the controversy over where the funds came for it, the number of minarets, etc. if you're interested in these cute little stories, let me know and i'll expound. until then, here are some pictures and thoughts about us @ sultanahmed camii!

all the homies, who i'm missing like madddd already!

the ladiesss:
the blue tiles for which the BLUE mosque is named...

and josh, playing with jonah. i think i've mentioned jonah and renata's love for the great expanses of carpet in mosques. this is cute :).

"quintessential" blue mosque pic?

in quick conclusion, i think the blue mosque is an important visit because its huge, its got a lot of history, and it has become one of the biggest tourist sites in turkey (now the national mosque, i believe??) however, after the beautiful intimacy of atik valide camii (uskudar), and now having experienced the quietude of yeni camii, the blue mosque pales in comparison. tourist hordes, people with essentially no respect for the mosque itself -- women immediately removing the headscarves that the guards just asked them to put on, for example. it didn't feel at all like a place of faith to me, which was really disheartening i think.

well yeah, i guess those are my thoughts about sultanahmed. it was pretty, yes. and a must, just because i've been living in istanbul...how could i NOT go inside? but now that its said and done, i'd be happy to spend all my time in the courtyard in the eve - quiet, calm, tranquil and beautiful.

leftovers

2009-07-24T02:02:00.005+02:00

this post is just going to be full of pictures that i haven't really been able to squeeze in chronologically...just a slew of pics i hope you find worth seeing :)!

a pic of boulderhane, the climbing gym in istanbul that "i climb at." quotes because it happens so rarely.

kahve dunyasi, or "coffee world." i'm a fan of their turk khavesi, pictured here. always served with a chocolate spoon :).

the girls at galata tower, a shot of the golden horn in the background.

chelsea and jeff at galata.

professor herbst doing a little story telling at suleymaniye mosque complex -- our tour guide rabia + some tip got us access into this annex. note jonah and renata taking advantage of the carpet. they love carpet.

the suleymaniye complex is h-u-g-e. this is still part of the complex - it used to be a madresa, and its now a little restaurant (mainly drinks).

where architect mimar sinan is buried. sinan is basically responsible for 1/2 or more of the great monuments in istanbul. the simplicity and modesty of his tomb really took us all by surprise, after seeing all the grand architecture with his name on it in istanbul.

this is a better shot of suleymaniye from the tram home one nice evening.

the blue mosque, from ibrahim pasa's palace (now the museum of turkish and islamic arts).

girls. nice shot of sofia, especially!! hahahah

another shot of sofia, as she worked a charged spanish translation about anti-semitism in turkey. this was an intense afternoon. we visited the neve shalom synagogue, which was bombed in '86, '92, and '03. not only did we have to submit our passports a week in advance, but we went through a heavy security check to get into the synagogue. the caretaker opened the table for questions, and we responded with many about what kind of anti-semitic sentiments exists in istanbul, and our questions were sidelined, quickly. sofia stepped in and tried to translate in spanish (neve shalom is a sephardic jewish synagogue), but it really did not go well.

a couple of lighter ending notes.

josh and a little kitty who literally hopped into his lap at the greek orthodox patriarchate.

renata and i playing our (mutually) favorite game.

okay, and now i'm ALMOST caught up to the present!!

islam and the views

2009-07-21T13:17:00.007+02:00

first off, this post is not going to be about my "opinions" about islam...when i say "views" i mean literally, the images that we had the privilege of seeing last sunday at the northeast end of the golden horn. i'm going to talk about our remarkable trip to the eyup district: the ferry ride (we all know how much i love those!), the eyup mosque (one of the holiest sites in islam), and finally, our trek up to pierre loti cafe!

so after a long saturday evening of karaoke in taksim, we set off for besiktas on sunday morning for a rowing competition of sorts. chelsea is an avid crew-er (?). it was cool to see an "athletic" crowd out to as fans and competitors in the city.

after the comp finished up, we set out for eyup mosque, which is one of the holiest sites in islam and THE holiest site in Istanbul. to get there, we took a FERRY! yay! this time we went up the golden horn, which he hadn't done yet. along the way we this killer view of (the valens?) aqueduct.

i just wanted to post this picture to show what our ferries look like!

below is the old galata koprsusu (the ottoman one). past the blue bridge, you can eyup in the upper left part of the pic. you can also see the pierre loti cafe -- its where the trees meet the sand color on the hill. when we finally got to the eyup stop, we just had to follow the throngs of people on the main cadessi -- after a few minutes we reached this fountain...

and we knew it was part of the entrance to eyup camii. this was by, far far far far the most islamic site we have seen in our time here. women in headscarves and full birkas everywhere, we counted almost 10 little boys dressed for circumcisions, and when we entered into the tomb of sultan ayyub (namesake of eyup mosque), the guard made me fix my scarf, which was accidentally showing some skin. this is a big deal! everywhere else we've gone, guards have been really chill about the headscarf dealio. obviously we don't want to abuse the privilege, but they've basically been letting us into mosques (esp in tourist districts) regardless if you are covered correctly or not. it was a real change of pace to get checked at eyup. and the crowds to get into the mausoleum and the mosque were crazzyyyyyyy. i can barely imagine what the hajj would be like...

inside the mausoleum. the body of ayyub sultan -- one of the prophet's closest friends.

women in focused prayer.

in front of the entrance to the women's prayer hall.

while we were in eyup, we made a "quintessential istanbul" stop at the pierre loti cafe. see this nice metro istanbul has built from the seaside up the mountain to pierre loti????

yeah, we didn't get that this was the metro. we thought it was like, some special ride or something. so we just kept walking, just kept walking, and walking up up up up the hill, following the signs for pierre loti. we should've known this trek was ahead of us when we asked for directions and people would just point to the sky. lollll. anyways after a good 25 minute hike, we finally turned into this amazing view of the city:

unfortunately i didn't take a picture of the cafe's seating area...i've really been lagging on picture taking! but this gives you some idea, hopefully, of this spectacular view of the golden horn and istanbul!!!

all in all, it was totally exhausting trip, and totally worth it.

2009-07-18T22:56:00.009+02:00

wow, its been 9 days since i've last posted!!! there is so much/too much to try and capture...so i'm going to try to just go by pictures and hopefully cover my adventures over the past week through them!

okay, i'll start off the with greek orthodox patriarchate, the home and head of the greek orthodox religious community. we got to explore the greek orthodox church, and here is a pic of me and my roomie grace in the incredibly ornate church.

what i realize now was a big mistake is that i didnt take a good picture of the iconostasis in the church. after extensively studying the iconoclasm of the 8th and 9th century, and the role that churches like this played in defending icons, that pic really would have been appropriate. oh well! instead i got this picture of an important saint's bones...like his actual bones:

the image below is SUPPOSEDLY of jesus' flagellation column. doubt it!

and professor herbst giving a little sermon, hehe. anyways that sort of summed up our trip to the greek orthodox patriarchate! the guys were hoping the patriarch would be there so that they could ask for permission to go to mount athos, but unfortunately he had already left for the day! OH and professor herbst gave us these nifty icons as memorabilia! so each of us has a patron saint now, which we'll be bringing to our final exams next week, hahahaha.

after this adventure, we had a nice dinner back at the hotel, and then we got ready to watch HARRY POTTERRR!!! it was REALLY fun navigating our way to the cinema that halee, jeff, and chelsea had found last week. it was at the historia mall, which is this 4 story mall that reminded me of valley fair back home. the mall was a great break from the hustle and bustle kind of bartering that occurrs elsewhere in the city at the bazaars and with street merchants. i made my first significant clothing purchase of the trip in a pretty new maxi dress and some lightweight linen pants (the latter of these has proved REALLY useful in the humidity!)

and then finally: THE MOVIE! i won't spoil movie content/quality for anyone who hasnt seen it yet, but i HAVE to tell this story: halfway through the movie, the screen cuts to some random cartoon and i FLIP the hell out because i think something has gone wrong, and i'm like, really into the movie at this point. the lights go on, elevator music kicks in, and i am just freakin confused. since all of us are sitting in a cluster, we're quizzically looking at each other and exchanging confused sentiments, but everyone else just up and walks out of the theatre! apparently they do intermissions. lol, it took me long enough to figure out and i was just laughing through the whole thing afterwards.

when the movie finished, carline is the first to realize that its 11:40. we were told that the metro generally stops running at midnight, so we sort of freak out. we jam all 14 of us into this elevator with these 2 turkish guys, who found it pretty amusing. then we start literally running to the metro stop. we made it, which was great. but then jeff notes that this is the LATEST we have been out in the city, in our 2.5 weeks here. pathetic, really. i mean, its a real challenge to try and go out late and get the amount of sleep necessary to pull us through the day, the heat, the classes, everything. so we often crash early, but seriously after 2.5 weeks we hadn't been out past midnight?!

jeff and i decide we need to DO something about this! we pull mike, josh, sophia and bo-young along and head out to the water. we find a bit of a platform to sit around and just talk for a little while and absorb the night lights and peace of the halic, galata tower, and the bogazici in the distance. some pics from that night:

and finally we headed back. rested up and the next morning had another early start for our tour at topkapi palace (administrative center and home for the ottoman imperial court and fam). below, a pic of josh and jeff, outside of topkapi with the nw end of hagia sophia in the background.

we had actually ventured onto the palace grounds on our first day in town, but of course we saw a LOT more with our ticket. we got a quick peek at the imperial view of the bosphorus, and spent a lot of time in the palace harem.

i really found the harem sadly beautiful. it was sooo nice, so pretty and full of open spaces, high ceilings, gorgeous views of the city...i enjoyed it, of course. but while walking the grounds we also had to consider the irony of the place -- the 400-1000 women in the harem who had the ability to see the beauty of istanbul but not leave the grounds to experience it. after a good amount of sitting and contemplating all of this in the courtyard, it was time to go.

we then engaged in a long debate about whether or not to go to greece fo the weekend. ultimately we decided to stay here for the weekend -- i had a lot of things to take care of (finding housing for august-december, meeting up with some friends, homework, and much much more). we decided on days of work, evenings of FUN. our first evening we spent at bogazici.

i was so so happy to finally bring a big group of us to my school. i'm really proud of how beautiful and cool it is there, and i just want to show it to everyone!! we took a different bus, which dropped us off at a different entrace. we hiked up through the forest to get to south campus, and then we spent some time just hanging out on the grass. the campus was very alive -- tons of students just chillin, drinking cay, reading poetry, playing volleyball, and also a couple who was very clearly embracing summer love, lol. some pics from our excursion:

okay, i need to take off for the museum of turkish and islamic arts. more posts to come, but all out of chronological order!

chora, and bogazici univ

2009-07-12T08:38:00.000+02:00

i gave up on trying to tie in these two visits. so this post is just going to be divvied up into (1) our trip to chora monastery, and (2) my visit to bogazici university, my school for the fall. as always, thanks for tuning in!

first up, CHORA! this monastery has been beautifully restored. it is "cok" (hahaha pardon the pun!) full of amazing mosaics and frescoes, some examples of which i've included here:

above: mary's ascension.
below: the classic parable of jesus turning water into wine, and then a large mosaic of christ. the walls were covered in all these parables -- so cool to see them in mosaic form!

part two: bogazici!!!!!! this has been a long-awaited venture! i begin school here in the fall (september), and after a year of looking at pictures from catalogues, i finally made it out to the campus in person.

the morning was full of little glitches, but thank goodness for yasemin smoothing them all out! what would i do without our wonderful, hilarious coordinator and our new friend!!? anyways yasemin made everything okay, and before i knew it, we were on the 43R on the way to bogazici. yasemin's nephew's friend gukhan was amazingly kind to meet us for the day. he lives very close to bogazici, and despite the fact that he doesn't speak much english, he had no idea who i was, and definitely has better things to do with his life, gave up his whole day to show us around!
so, we made it to the university, and past these gates:

there is a beautiful but sort of long descent from the entrance to the main campus (south campus). along the way, some great views of the bogazici and the cove of bebek. note the green-roofed houses -- it belongs to the owner of turkcell (THHHEEE cell phone company in turkey).
yasemin and her two energetic daughters!

after the descent, you enter into the main campus -- this is the view:

and now, some sort-of-corny pics with me and buildings i like.

"my" building -- the faculty of arts and sciences. i was so sad that it was closed, but obviously it was a saturday and no one was there. i'm really looking forward to seeing this all again this week, hopefully with professor kayali!

view from the kennedy lounge. hello, beautiful bosphorus :). last week, i was on the other side of this picture, in the water. this side's pretty, too.

walking the campus was exactly what i needed to picture the next few months here. i've been incredibly nervous about making friends (especially since i don't want to live on campus), but after seeing all the places that people congregate over music, cay, films, art, conversation, i feel soooo much more confident that this six months is going to be full of all the things i want: new friends and intellectual challenges!

i wish i could write more, since there are some things i really want to talk about, but i have a quiz tomorrow and need to get to the reading. so thanks again, hope you like the stories and pictures, and until next time, goodnight from istanbul.

ferries, ferries, ferries, i love them.

2009-07-12T00:46:00.001+02:00

i'm dedicating this post to all things ferry rides. though this means i have to sacrifice the otherwise chronological pattern i've been following for my blog, it's worth it, because i'm obsessed with ferry rides.

the first great one we took was to the princes islands, last saturday. almost the whole group came along -- we were all craving a bit of sun and sand to remind us of home, i think. so we got on this huge ferry, immediately hit the top deck, and took over the rails for the best view of the 2000 year old coastline as we drifted away. as our IDO (abbreviation of some kind for the istanbul public ferries) left shore, i finally came to understand how the magnificence of the hagia sophia, suleymaniye camii, topkapi palace and theodosius' walls would have impressed byzantine and later, ottoman power on any visitors. we were quickly reminded our judith herrin's description of this approach:

"the power of the church's profile dominates the skyline, the sheer bulk of the immense structure grows as one approaches by sea. Its great dome is amazing at a distance and becomes even more striking as the enormous buttresses that support it are revealed..." (for more, see Judith Herrin's "Byzantium.")

as usual, my pictures can't do justice.

after the skyline faded into the distance, the first of th princes islands came into view. i don't think i've ever seen a beach as crowded. though in retrospect i regret this, we chose to stay on and try another island in efforts to find somewhere a little less crowded to go swimming.

we got off at heybeli island, as recommded by our coordinator yasemin, who was kindly accompanying us on the trip. most of the tour books suggested buyukada, but we just got off at heybeli and went for it. unfortunately, our excitement QUICKLY disseminated into dissapointment and for me, a bit of disgust, as we explored the island's coast. the island's only free-access beach was not a beach, not not not a beach. it was a cement landing, which you could hop off of, or crawl off of into algae-covered yuckiness. needless to say, we moved on. to get to the beach which we'd seen from the ferry, we had to traverse the island -- everywhere we went we encountered horse-drawn carriages that were uncomfortably close to running us all over. more disturbing was the treatment of the horses. just like the horses which draw touristy rides in the states, these animals were obviously malnourished, being frequently whipped, and just so sad to see. i really, really hate seeing such beautiful, majestic animals being subjected to this kind of treatment. sorry for the tirade.

anyways we finally made it to a beach, and just as we were walking down to the water, the rain started coming down. we found refuge under this gazebo, and quickly got to WORK! (we ahve an enormous workload on top of the whole discovery-of-istanbul thing). a funny picture of us reading in the rain:

well, after a disappointing day of gloom, we decided to just head back early to istanbul. we caught an earlier ferry, which made a stop in asia. we took a necessary azn-tourist pic with the necessary azn hand gestures. someone else took the pic :(. i snapped this one, of asia with an interesting blend of a minaret, the turkish flag, the crane, etc.

a parting view of asia, as we moved through the bosphorous toward europe:

and that concluded our trip to the princes islands!

part two of the ferries ferries ferries post is about our second excursion off the european continent into uskudar, a district on the asian side of istanbul. this was our visit visit to a mosque, so SUPEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR exciting! but first, more ferries :).

and a quick pic with rohan (aka colgate model) as we took our first steps in asia:

after we docked, we climbed up a big hill to get to the atik valide mosque. on the way, our tour guide rabia saw a hamam and hooked it up so that we could each feel the EXTREME heat in the hamam! jeff, rohan, josh and i in front of the entrance:

so finally we got to the top of the hill and entered the kulliye (complex) -- often mosques can be found within larger complexes that include madresas, hospitals, public kitchens, gardens, mausoleums, etc. this one was no exception. we weren't allowed to take pictures inside the mosque, though, so we just have to skip the visual on that one.

we spent some time in the mosque itself, just admiring everything and learning a bit about the structures, prayers, etc. jeff and i got excited and wanted to go through the complicated washing ritual, which you are supposed to complete before you enter the mosque. so we left the mosque, partook in the ritual, and re-entered for some more contemplation time.

when we entered for the second time, just the two of us, the guard came in and showed us his favorite things in broken english. he pointed out, for example, the original carvings on many of the ceiling fixtures, the massssssiiivveee candles (like, my size) surrounding the mihrab, the original tile (original means 16th century), etc. his enthusiasm for the complex he looked after was heartwarming.

jeff and i then rejoined the group for a break in the medresa :). we sipped 50 kurus limonata, while all the locals smiled and wondered what on earth we were doing there. then we took this group pic and it was time to head back to europe.

it was a wonderful trip into asia, full of very kind people, and as our motto persists, "a whole new part of istanbul."

the best pickup line in istanbul so far

2009-07-12T00:45:00.000+02:00

so good it needed its own post:

"excuse me, excuse me! do you have a mirror in your pants? because i can see myself in them."

hope you got as big of a kick out of that as we did.

playing catch up

2009-07-06T08:35:00.001+02:00

wow, this week has been, as jeff bey described today, relentless. every day we face intellectually rigorous coursework paired with physically exhausting excursions. i find myself drained by the hot istanbul summer, and simultaneously in a constant process of renewal, inspired by the vibrant and rich culture that we're here to discover. as always, i'll share with you the many excursions we've set out on in the past week, and hopefully offer you the right doses of narrative, intellectual exploration, and good spirits :).

the day of my last post (it seems so long ago), we visited justinian's basillica cistern. this massive underground contraption was built in the 5th century to hold enough water for the growing cosmpolitan hub of constantinople. when i think of water tanks, i consider the big blue water tower sort of thing with, say "wichita" plastered on it in black spray paint. justinian, the patron of byzantine imperial power, had instead a monument of well, imperial, proportions built! i wish the pictures could capture how freakin awesome this thing was...it was beautiful and grand and just so unexpected. i knew nothing about the cistern before we walked down the stairs that the istanbul municipality had built for tourists like myself and stumbled into this sight:

not to mention, the underground cistern was a wonderful respite from the onslaught of mediterranean summer heat.

the next day we ventured onto the bosphorous. this was the trip i'd been waiting for!!!! the bosphorous strait is THE passageway between europe and asia, one of the most desired trade routes, military strongholds, commerical and cultural epicenters of the past 2 millennia. my stomach had been queasy for the past couple of days, but i had seriously been counting down the days until this cruise and nothing was going to stop me. the picture below is of dohlmabahce palace, which is right next to where our ferry departed. holy crap this palace was impresive -- what's pictured below is just one of its many wings.

to see istanbul from the bogazici exceded all expectations (a common theme of this trip!). not only did we get glance at some of the truly ritzy parts of the city (the galatasaray floating island, par example!) but we also got to see my school for the fall!!! bogazici university is situated just behind the rumeli hisari (the rumeli castle). you can see its buildlings here behind the castle fortifications:

when we got back onto land, we had the passageway to the black sea in sight and i was excited to appease my hunger after a few days of fasting (i was trying to settle my stomach). however, this backfired immediately and i was in the worst stomach pain thus far within minutes. i started sweating like mad, i lost feeling in my hands and legs, my vision blurred, hearing faded and i knew i was about to pass out. i desperately gestured for my roommate grace, and she and professor herbst came essentially to my rescue. i was carried down the stairs and knocked out in the bus...eventually we made our way to the private turkish acil (emergency department of a hospital) near professor herbst's residence, and i was treated for food poisoning. my doctor was extremely helpful, especially considering my vast array of allergies to antibiotics. my mom was literally on the phone with him and our coordinator/translator yasemin trying to determine which medicines i could take. considering my current state of superb health, all their efforts seemed fruitful!

and here i must thank jeff, josh and grace for stickin it out with me at the hospital despite all the reading that we had to do. and thanks josh for fireman lifting me up the stairs to the galata residence and the hospital. (oh and hey, shoutout to the entire turkish republic who probably got a great view of my ass on the ONE DAY i decided to wear a dress. good call, me).

well, as this blog post title suggests, i really am playing catch up with everything in turkey right now: keeping you updated on my blog, my reading, my sleep, etc. so for now i'm going to just have to resign myself to an incomplete post, and get some rest for tomorrow's debate over the role of the ghazi in the ottoman empire! i leave you with this message from the grand bazaar:

goodnight from istanbul :).

a quick thanks to important sponsors

2009-07-02T13:00:00.000+02:00

hello!

in error, i have neglected to say thank you to the people who have made this trip possible!

to the eleanor roosevelt college parent fund, which spared me $500 in the midst of an incredible budget crisis for this summer's seminar. i am writing a postcard to you now and missing all the wonderful staff and former coworkers in the provost's office.

to the chi omega foundation, which also sent $500 my way, thank you for the amazing sisterhood and now, financial support, which has helped me take money off my mind so that i may focus in on making the most of my time abroad.

to the friends of the international center, who kindly awarded me a $1000 scholarship for this summer's seminar, thank you for not only the financial support but a wonderful experience meeting the 28 other award recipients, connecting me with Dr. Spriggs and his assistant Catharine Nance (whose experience in USAID and the Turkish embassy in Istanbul have been invaluable), and for just being so wonderful and "friendly" :).

my biggest aid comes from my parents, who have always taught me to "do my best and let them do the rest," i hope i'm living up to all the support you've provided through the years. i'm looking forward to seeing you in istanbul very soon and hopefully sharing with you all the reasons that this is money and time well spent!!

thanks for the endless, infinite, invaluable love and support both before i left and now as i'm abroad from my bestest friends and bestest sisters - you know exactly who you are.

alright, just wanted to say "ÇOK TEŞEKKÜR EDERIM!!!" thank you very much :).

and now i'm off to explore justinian's basillica cistern.

2009-07-01T23:57:00.000+02:00

july 2nd, 2009

so over the past 2 days, i have toured aya sofya, learned a bunch of turkish, purchased stamps at the post office, seen istanbul from the from the tops of the theodosian walls and the castle of 7 towers, crossed the golden horn, taken my first ride on the metro, and everything in between that i cant list.

i'm already beginning to be so overwhelmed with blog-worthy experiences that i just cant write about all of them. so this is my effort to highlight some of the cool things i hope you'll enjoy reading about!

a picture of the turkish post office. really gorgeous, and of course an exciting trip because i purchased turkish stamps in turkish! not difficult turkish, but just exciting to begin making transactions in a new language. also so much fun to be learning turkish and venturing into the city using it left and right and all around! of course, i only have simple phrases up my sleeve, but its unbelievably fun nonetheless. the postale:

a view from inside aya sofya, aka hagia sophia. a manifestation of the transfers of power in byzantium/constantinople/istanbul over the past 2000 years. without a doubt its an incredible achievement by the romans -- as i've said earlier the creativity, devotion to detail, massiveness all baffle me -- and built in just 5 years! i've seen nothing like it, ever. but also a physical depiction of the struggle that istanbul appears to be waging. hagia sophia desperately needs restoration, but what parts to restore? the roman christian mosaics? the ottoman islamic elements? the political and cultural issues surrounding the controversy leave modernization in a stalemate. fittingly, as the debate continues over which history to embrace, the history is slowly, sadly literally decroding, in desperate need of action.

one of the few big still-sparking mosaics in hagia sophia. Jesus, crazy sparkling in the light. nuff said.

in the evening, we chose to return to galata koprusu to explore the golden horn. paid 1 ytl (or josh did, actually hahha) for me to use the bayan wc under the bridge, but didnt cross that night! funny story. anyways we went back this morning to do it!

morning adventures are good because its not too hot yet. however, after this walk along the shore we were in a rush to return to the hotel for our first day of class with professor herbst. so we decided to venture on the metro for our first time! sweaty, a little smelly :P , but people were friendly and it got us home pretty fast. plus, i'm going to have to get good at this metro!!!!

our byzantine history course was really engaging. since we only have 15 students, i approach it anticipating the same sort of discussion style, socratic seminar-esque dyanamic of my colloqium in the spring. i'm sure we will get there soon :).

anyways it is an incredible thing, like really freakin incredible to discuss something in the classroom, and then straight up go freakin SEE what you're learning about. case and point: theodosius II's walls! again, the juxtaposition in istanbul of super old and also super new is insane. these walls, built in the 5th century, remain erected around the city, bordering modern roads, statues of ataturk, and draped in turkish flags.

** NOTE: proximity of huge turkish flag in background of this complex! the ottomans used theodosius II's wall and added 4 more in the 15th century to create this fortress called the castle of the 7 towers. now the moat is used for agriculture, and just beyond the moat is 'suburban' istanbul. oh also, we walked into the hella shady room that sultan osman I was assasinated in. it seemed pretty obvious that one would be assasinated if taken to that room. (not funny, but i still laughed).

ironic that we're smiling, bc this is definitely a torture chamber. behind us, there is a....."trash shoot" for bodies.

also great to see things that i've learned about in the past. case in point: this fountain, a gift from kaiser wilhelm's to the ottoman sultan abdul hamid in 1898, as the germans and ottomans were getting supa close. "berlin to baghdad". anyways i saw the picture of this, taken by prof. michael provence, a couple of quarters ago. and now, here i am, taking a picture with it :). note to self: send this blogpost to professor provence!

then, it was time to hit the books! lots of reading to keep up with amidst all the adventuring. decided to pick a tea place in the arasta bazaar to get some work done, which we did. met a nice family from saudi arabia sititng at the table next to us, too :). on the way back, we caught aya sofya at night.

and now, good night from istanbul.

days 1 and 2: lost and finding.

2009-06-29T22:40:00.000+02:00

Sunday, June 29, 2009/Day 1

in the hotel, everyone’s asleep --

I just want to make sure I recap my first day in Istanbul before I forget anything!

Hectic, crazy mad rush getting onto my BA flight in London heathrow. Great to see jeff, have a travel buddy and finally be able to breathe easily. Met a couple of nice Turkish fellows who sat in front of us (well, one switched seats to let jeff and I sit together). One lived in austin and is returning to do military service (apparently compulsory for all male citizens!) and the other is actually residing half in san diego, half in Istanbul. Small world. Both knew very well of bogazici, of course, and were excited to hear that I was going there!

On the flight, I really got excited to be in Istanbul. Really “hit me” that it was all beginning NOW-- my short six month adventure was NOW. Couldn’t stop smiling with excitement.

but to the title of this first post from istanbul: my bags are lost. somehow i really knew this would happen -- ate called it, too. thank goodness that i packed a few more clothes, just in case. it was absolute madness trying to get the transport service to bring them to the hotel. Took like 2.5 hours to finally get everything settled. but i had some wonderful help from a kind turkish-american stranger. (it's surprising how comforting it is to see people holding USA passports).

our bus driver, anul, was obviously NOT HAPPY with us, after waiting 2.5 hours. We (Josh, jeff and i) got him to warm up soon, though. After many apologies, some energetic questions and jokes, our drive back to the hotel was pleasant, filled with little Turkish language lessons and food/nighttime outing recommendations.

Walked out to the Sultanahmet mosque and sat in the courtyard. Relaxing, wonderful, beautiful. Can’t wait to do this all the time, hopefully get some excellent journal entries in!

Met up with Bo back at the hotel and finally decided to eat upstairs at the hotel restaurant with a gorgeous view of the bosphorus. If it weren’t for the fact that I was ridiculously exhausted, i reallllyyyy would’ve enjoyed that more.

Came back, wiped out for a bit, sad that my luggage hasn’t come yet…finally gave up and showered. Now eveyrone's asleep and I’m doing this.

Okay, that’s day 1 narrated. My emotional reaction is mixed. The city has beauty, absolutely, but its paired with sort of disparaging dirtiness, litter at monuments that I’ve read about. That sort of juxtaposition of urban decay and historical wealth is a little confusing. i’m looking forward to a bit more time alone with my thoughts.

That’s all for now, I think.

Monday, June 29th, 2009/ Day 2

what an amazing day. finding the beauty of istanbul!!!! woke up to the sun rising over aya sofya at 7:30. the four of us were determined to learn some turkish today, and THAT WE DID :).

a great day of exploration -- wandering the city "correctly." some relaxing time sipping turkish apple tea (ordered in turkish!!!), doing some reading, and writing my first postcards. it was the kind of scene you picture yourself in from home, except it was actually happening.

and after a morning of practicing all our new turkish, we returned to all the other students from our program arriving. i'm so happy with my room, with a window to let some nice natural light in, a perfect amount of space. and certainly happy to be sharing it with grace, a new ucsd graduate.

we figured out how hungry we were and quickly left the hotel to grab some simit from the vendors at the mosque. spent some more time today at suleymanii camii in the courtyard. also jeff discovered a stunning new view of aya sofya - wow, breathtaking. really just not comparable to anything -- the size of it alone is amazing, then add on the creativity and imagination the architects must have employed to construct these.

kept exploring and stumbled upon topkapi palace gardens. yeah, we just wandered into a gateway and found ourselves at the palace. the view of the bosporous, the cool breeze in the shade -- a treasured discovery. we will be back soon to picnic and read there.

returned with plans to sip a few drinks at the palazade restaurant, and everyone got all cute and dressed up, haha. dinner with the entire group for the first time. walked down a new street for dinner and found a completely new istanbul. i know this is going to happen every day -- turn a street corner and discover something new and beautiful...i'm looking forward to each breathtakign surprise. yeni camii and the golden horn in sight, we had a huge turkish dinner with our tour guides and professor. at the request of my colleagues, i proffered a toast to the next 5 weeks of discovering istanbul and equally importantly, discovering parts of ourselves.

so day 2 in sum: expanded knowledge of turkish a billion-fold, explored literally majestic grounds in istanbul, ate great food, and ended the day looking forward to these daily adventures.

somewhere over nova scotia

2009-06-28T23:51:00.000+02:00

saturday, june 27th, 2009

as i leave the country it seems appropriate for me to again explore my departure feelings, anxieties, concerns, and most importantly, my aspirations. having just watched the motorcycle diaries aboard my flight, i can easily begin by saying that i don't expect a revolution out of my six month adventure. however, i do depart hoping that i will find something in myself, in the city, in the culture and history that invigorate my already burgeoning passion for study. my time abroad will help me determine the viability of living abroad in the long term, of pursuing a career studying turkey and the middle east, islam and europe, american diplomatic history in the region, etc.

in this first blog post, i'm going to write a bit about istanbul and also about "leaving" loved ones behind.

so i'm picturing the nighttime view of the Bosporous, and it makes my heart beat a little faster. I know there is such rich, incredible culture for me to explore in the next six months, and the excitement is so encouraging in a moment when i feel ervous about leaving the most important people in my life behind. i think the city will keep me alive, engaged (i'm romanticizing already), and of course, what i look forward to the most, passionate.

istanbul is a place of stunning physical beauty, and that always touches me. and each monument has a long, enticing, meaningful existence. this is par of course, of the true essence of history -- giving meaning to so much that otherwise just exists. and after months of getting ready, the time is ripe to do this. more to come over my first cup of turkish tea from istanbul...

on loved ones: over the past few weeks i've really lost my footing with the people i care for so much in the chaotic midst of mom's mastectomy. but in the few days preceding my departure, and now as i leave the country, things have become so much more clear. i know that i will miss you more than i can conceive right now. but my once paralyzing anxiety about truly being on my own for the first time in years has now transformed into anticipation for embarking on the adventure i always promised myself i would have.

at once, i am looking forward to it all, and also realizing the value and wonderful comfort of having the ones you love at your side.

in the last 3 years, i've taken "leaps" and made vulnerable commitments -- always with the confidence that i can turn to those bestest friends and family to love me unconditionally, to hold me, talk to me, guide me out of that vulnerability back into confidence. but now, i really must test myself, i need to do this to see what i can accomplish standing on my own. i am who i am because of the support and love you've given me thus far -- now is the time for me to see what i can do, just me, abroad.